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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 4:52pm     #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mgmg View Post
I agree also.
I had a abusive parent too but would never write something so hateful.
Some people cannot handle certain situations because of mental illness
and this could be the case, as I would like to believe was my parents' problem.
I would like to believe mental illness was the cause of my mother's outbursts, too, but guess what? Maybe since she decided to adopt a child (me), she could have decided to take care of her issues too while she was at it. Children don't ask to be born, and it is a parent's responsibility to provide them with love and care. It is not the child's responsibility to make excuses for their parents' bad parenting.

That said, I would not have written something like this in my mother's obituary. We had our problems, but we did love each other and there were other people who loved and cared about her. There would have been no need to disrespect them in this way. It's hard to believe that this woman was THAT bad 24/7.
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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 4:52pm     #32
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OMG! That is in one of the newspapers that is local to me!! I used to work in the newspaper. I don't believe that the person who chose to get this publish was thinking at all.

Can you imagine haing tons of obits where everyone is pounding on the dead pointing all their flaws after they die? No doubt people can be bad, but there is badness in all of us and goodness in all of us. A certain someone once said let us take out the stick from our eyes before pointing out someone's else's stick in their eyes.

Let's not stoop down to their level. Let us be the better and less bitter.

I hope peace comes to all those involved.

And let us forgive those who know not what they do.

yummy!
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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 4:57pm     #33
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wow that is unfortunate

now the question is what will your children write about you when you are gone
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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:04pm     #34
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Originally Posted by bdc63 View Post
I'll pay you $10 if you email that to my mother in law ... :wink4:

Send me her email address and paypal me, I'll do it! :rofl3:

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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:04pm     #35
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Don't speak ill of the dead?

Apparently this woman destroyed her children and family while she was alive. Why should they say good things about her just because she is now dead?

I hope that whomever wrote that obituary got some closure in doing so.

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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:12pm     #36
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Originally Posted by figgyfigg View Post
My parents were abusive. I have no problem speaking about it, I did nothing wrong. It's my parents who should be ashamed.
My thoughts exactly. Too many abused children do not speak up or get help because society tells us we need to grow up and get over it, to be the bigger person. I think that's a load of crap. We all heal in our own way. I hope this obit provided a great catharsis for its writer.

Count me as another who believes there's anything wrong with speaking ill of the dead. That's just an old Roman tradition rooted in superstition. If the dead was a crummy person in life, he or she is a crummy person in death. Death does not confer absolution, nor does it guarantee forgiveness.

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.
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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:12pm     #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ariel36 View Post
I must have missed it - how do we know that she was so abusive or horrible? Because one kid said so in print? I don't quite buy that myself, but, to each their own. :twocents: All I saw proof of was a single offspring with no manners.
I think only a victim of abuse could be that cold and angry towards a parent. I should know. I could have written it.

In an age of instant communications and instant terror, falsity travels with greater speed than fact.
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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:14pm     #38
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I'll just add this since "speaking ill of the dead" was brought up.
I was adopted and my adoptive mother *spoke ill* to me every day of my life:
"Why don't you kill yourself"
"We were happy until we got you"
"Your real mother didn't even want you"
"You caused your daddy's cancer"
etc, etc


Now I wouldn't have published that obit. I took care of my mother for years and years and was with her...holding her hand and stroking her head...when she died. I was kind to her even though I didn't receive kindness from her...but I credit God with any goodness that I was able to give to her.

Having said all of that...I can't judge whomever wrote that obit.

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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:16pm     #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annulla View Post
I have no sympathy for an abusive parent, dead or alive.
Amen!

Quote:
Originally Posted by figgyfigg View Post
My parents were abusive. I have no problem speaking about it, I did nothing wrong. It's my parents who should be ashamed.
Ditto! :thumbs:

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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:19pm     #40
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Gosh
Wished I'd thought to ask for the rights to author my ex husbands :cheer:


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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:20pm     #41
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Wow, I think it's awful. They don't have to say she was nice or great....just that she passed away.


:frown7:

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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:20pm     #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PGRIFF View Post
wow that sounds close to what was said at my dads service.
That obit pretty much sums up my father's life too. :frown7: My father had his say in the end when us kids found out he had cut us all out of his will and left everything to his girlfriend. Apparently he thought he was justified in his mistreatment of us all, including his cheating on my mom. Jerk.

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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:23pm     #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenda View Post
I'll just add this since "speaking ill of the dead" was brought up.
I was adopted and my adoptive mother *spoke ill* to me every day of my life:
"Why don't you kill yourself"
"We were happy until we got you"
"Your real mother didn't even want you"
"You caused your daddy's cancer"
etc, etc


Now I wouldn't have published that obit. I took care of my mother for years and years and was with her...holding her hand and stroking her head...when she died. I was kind to her even though I didn't receive kindness from her...but I credit God with any goodness that I was able to give to her.

Having said all of that...I can't judge whomever wrote that obit.
I just wanna give you a hug! :hugs:

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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:28pm     #44
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Seems that the apple isn't falling far from the tree. I hope that family learns from their Mom's abuse and mistakes and doesn't continue to emulate it. :frown7:

OTOH It sounds like a plot from Six Feet Under

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  Old  August 21st, 2008, 5:33pm     #45
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenda View Post
I'll just add this since "speaking ill of the dead" was brought up.
I was adopted and my adoptive mother *spoke ill* to me every day of my life:
"Why don't you kill yourself"
"We were happy until we got you"
"Your real mother didn't even want you"
"You caused your daddy's cancer"
etc, etc


Now I wouldn't have published that obit. I took care of my mother for years and years and was with her...holding her hand and stroking her head...when she died. I was kind to her even though I didn't receive kindness from her...but I credit God with any goodness that I was able to give to her.

Having said all of that...I can't judge whomever wrote that obit.
You're a great example of learning and doing the right thing in spite of adversity. Two evil people don't make a good one. So sorry for your troubles, but you make me proud to be human. May your love and kindness come back to you tenfold!

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