lost at love

my bf of 12 years left me for another woman. He kept going to another state when his mother was dying and found the woman of his dreams 3 days before he was going to come home. He kept it from me for months, but finally I got it out of him. For another 4 months, he played the 'just let me have my fling, it will fizzle, I've never done this before, but then it got to the point where he'd leave and go back to her, come back to me, be mean to me and then leave again. Although we didn't live together, he helped raise my young daughter and she seems to be taking it more than I am.

Although I've lost 35 lbs and am looking better than ever, I cry constantly and think of nothing but my loss of a companion, lover, and general handiman/cook,help with my child.

Last night he brought over Christmas presents for my daughter and took off again. The girlfriend is a director of a day care center and when he is down there, he works in the office for her and plans to stay for two months this time. Although we'd carried on our relationship previously (boy was I dumb), this time he wants a "clean break". So when he called this afternoon, to tell me he'd arrived safely, I told him not to call me anymore, for at least a month because I needed time to get over this and did not want to talk to him. He seemed surprised and a bit put off, but said good bye.

I own my own business, have never needed him financially, but he sure got my financial assistance for all he did for me (cooking, child care, maintenance of house, etc. His new gf is apparently beautiful (I'm not that bad either); but for some reason, I feel that I lost him and although I hate myself for it, I just can't seem to see myself happy without him.

So how does one get over a lousy boyfriend anyway?

Sorry to hear about your breakup! What helped me when me and my ex broke up was to pamper myself. Talk to your friends and establish new friendships with both women and men. Go out on some weekend nights. Try to have fun. A breakup is very painful. It is not easy. Good luck to you!

Originally Posted by page567 Sorry to hear about your breakup! What helped me when me and my ex broke up was to pamper myself. Talk to your friends and establish new friendships with both women and men. Go out on some weekend nights. Try to have fun. A breakup is very painful. It is not easy. Good luck to you!

I agree Look forward to the future for you and your daughter in a positive attitude....

I posted this last month and not sure if you saw it, but geez, do I need to read this over and over and over again.

I've been where you are. It hurts like hell, but you will get over it. Take sometime for yourself. Don't date, don't call him, enjoy your daughter. You'll be surprised how well you'll do on your own.

Hang in there, my friend, you're gonna be fine.

IF A MAN WANTS YOU

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about
baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your
always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another
RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate
them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
Pass this on to at least 10 woman and 5 men.
BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT...

thanks for your help. I loved the poem, it really did strike a chord, especially the part about nothing will keep a man away if they want you. (the other one)

Originally Posted by cman thanks for your help. I loved the poem, it really did strike a chord, especially the part about nothing will keep a man away if they want you. (the other one)

That's the part that got to me...

Time Time Time

just give yourself time it is hard to do. The clean break is a good idea. What I am reading is he had his cake and was eating it too. The clean break will be good for you and your daughter. Just look at what is best for the both of you and you will be fine. I will be hard but you will be fine.

just take time to think and work on figuring out what it is that you want.
12 years is a long time to be with someone, but think of it this way...its HIS loss. Try not to dwell on what could have been. If he is going to do this to you, its also possible he will do the same thing to her. Dont give him another thought. Hes not worth your time. Good luck on healing

I am so sorry for you, dear.

Let me give you an idea of what I did when I was heartbroken over a man many, many years ago.

I went to the library and got 7 Agatha Christie mysteries/books and read one each night for seven nights. It took my mind off the heartbreak.

At the end of the 7 days/nights, I was over him and never looked back.

I am now happily married (for years now) to the man of my dreams.

One day you will look back, smile and ask yourself what did I see in HIM (the old one).

Right now, you need to get your mind off of him, let him go and move on.

Best of luck to you.

I am so sorry. Just remember Time Heals All Wounds. It just takes some time. Each day it will get a little bit easier until he is just a distant memory.

There are plenty of other men out there who would love you and your daughter. You WILL find the right one!

Floridamom, that is a great poem.

Best thing to do, is cut off all contact with him. Dont let him treat you that way. If he KNOWS he can come back, he will. He will play the card, saying "oh if you dont treat me this way. so and so will take me back." Boot his ass out the door girl, and dont look back. I like the part in the poem too about if a man wants you, nothing will keep him away.

So how does one get over a lousy boyfriend anyway?

The only answer is time.

I am sorry that you are going thru this. Be strong. You will be happy again

Originally Posted by floridamom1990 I posted this last month and not sure if you saw it, but geez, do I need to read this over and over and over again. I've been where you are. It hurts like hell, but you will get over it. Take sometime for yourself. Don't date, don't call him, enjoy your daughter. You'll be surprised how well you'll do on your own. Hang in there, my friend, you're gonna be fine. IF A MAN WANTS YOU If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them. Pass this on to at least 10 woman and 5 men. BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT...

Love this! Excellent advice

oops. It accidentally posted twice. Sorry