Old  September 14th, 2013, 9:54am     #1
bumbeeboo is offline
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How to Give Your Cat a Pill by Bob Story
How to Give Your Cat a Pill by Bob Story

Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as though holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth, and gently apply pressure to his cheeks. When cat opens up, pop pill into mouth. Cat will then close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Repeat the process.

Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, immobilizing front and rear paws. Ask assistant to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's throat. Flick pill down ruler with forefinger, and rub cat's throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from living-room curtain valance.

Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth, and set aside for later gluing. Remove next pill from foil wrap.

Wrap cat in beach towel, and ask assistant to lie prone on cat with cat's head visible under assistant's armpit. Put pill in end of paper tube you've made for this purpose. Then, force cat's mouth open with pencil, and blow.

Check label to make sure pill is not lethal to humans. Sip water to take taste away. Apply bandage to assistant's forearm, and remove blood from carpet with soap and cold water.

Call 911, ask fire department to retrieve cat from eucalyptus tree. Remove remaining pill from foil wrap. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine, and securely tie to leg of dining table. Put on heavy-duty pruning gloves. Force cat's mouth open with tire iron. Drop pill, previously hidden in one ounce of raw hamburger, into cat's mouth. Hold head vertically with nose pointed to ceiling, and pour one-half pint of water down cat's throat, and two jiggers of whiskey down your own.

Ask assistant to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor administers anesthetic, stitches forearm and removes pill remnants from eye. Drop off cat, along with a generous donation, at animal shelter, and adopt a goldfish.
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  Old  September 14th, 2013, 10:12am     #2
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LOL....this made me laugh because it's so true! One of our cats needed to take a pill once and I got scratched fingertips to elbows on both arms by the time I got him to take that pill. So not fun!
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  Old  September 14th, 2013, 10:54am     #3
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I went through this the other day trying to give one of my cats a dewormer pill. For such a tiny cat, he sure can put up a fight.
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  Old  September 14th, 2013, 11:02am     #4
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Good laugh. Thanks. I had a difficult time giving one of my cats pills. She was an outside cat. One day it was particularly difficult. I made sure she swallowed and let her go. A few minutes later I went outside and there was the pretty purple pill laying on the patio. And, she was long gone.
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  Old  September 14th, 2013, 11:33am     #5
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we all have our unlovely moments
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  Old  September 14th, 2013, 12:02pm     #6
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What if the hokey pokey is what its all about?
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  Old  September 14th, 2013, 12:39pm     #7
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Loved it! Thanks so much for posting this!
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  Old  September 14th, 2013, 12:56pm     #8
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i need to give my kitties a pill i do it in less then 5 sec. I know how to get them to open their mouth for just a sec. and drop the pill into the back to where they cant spit it out and have to swallow right away.

Funny part is right after when they look at me like" what the heck did you just do" ?? makes me laugh

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  Old  September 14th, 2013, 2:22pm     #9
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I used to do it similar to the story until we discovered Greenie's Pill Pockets. They are a soft chewy treat with a little hole that you drop the pill into and squeeze it closed. Then just drop it on top of the cat's food and the gobble it down. It's the first thing our cat eats!

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  Old  September 14th, 2013, 2:33pm     #10
friday is offline
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We are having to give my cat a pill twice a day. UGH, thought we'd never get her to take the darn thing. Finally I figured out if I crush that sucker to smithereens and then stir it up in a spoon of food she's none the wiser. It's been working fine for us now. But the trial and error leading up to that point is crazy.
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  Old  September 14th, 2013, 2:49pm     #11
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Pills never worked for our cats!! WE did have one cat who would lap up amoxicillin from a small glass dish as she seemed to enjoy it. When we had it for another cat, she didn't like it, but would lick it off her fur if we spread it on her. None of them were tricked by Greenies!!
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  Old  September 14th, 2013, 4:21pm     #12
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After many years and many cats and spitty pills on the floor, I found this thing:


It works So well, no more stressing cats and people. Sometimes you can find it at a pet store, or ask your vet for one. Works great on dogs too.

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