Old  July 23rd, 2017, 10:37am     #931
awssm is offline
awssm
Grand Master Sweeper
 
awssm's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 11,404
Location: Middle of nowhere and halfway to somewhere
My B.A.T.F.

America: Love it or give it back.
Reply With Quote
  Old  July 25th, 2017, 8:28am     #932
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.
Skills

On July 25, 2017 · Leave a Comment · In Cartoons





More skills.

....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
  Old  July 27th, 2017, 8:27am     #933
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.

....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 2nd, 2017, 9:22am     #934
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games
until you get shampoo in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.

....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 8th, 2017, 9:01am     #935
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.
Report this ad

....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 11th, 2017, 10:14am     #936
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

~ Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

~ Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

~ Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

~ Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

~ How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 11th, 2017, 3:00pm     #937
mommie-sweep is offline
mommie-sweep
Senior Master Sweeper
 
mommie-sweep's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 5,158
Location: North Carolina
A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Husband wanted!

Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person.” The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.“You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you?” the widow asked: “Just look at you — you have no legs!”
The old gent smiled: “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!”
“You don’t have any arms either!” she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled: “Therefore, I can never beat you!”
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: “Are you still good in bed?”
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 12th, 2017, 4:18pm     #938
sparkle8 is online now
sparkle8
Grand Master Sweeper
 
sparkle8's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 18,859
Location: Des Moines, Iowa

‎"A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected and outlast the unbearable." ~ Billy Graham
http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/Sparkle8 If I win, you win at Swagbucks!
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 14th, 2017, 11:39am     #939
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, ‘We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.’

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

‘We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the R!!!’

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, ‘What’s wrong, father?’

With a choking and tear filled voice, the Abbot screams: “The word was… the word was… celebrate.”

....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 14th, 2017, 2:27pm     #940
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.

....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 14th, 2017, 10:02pm     #941
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.

~~~~~~~

What do the movies Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people.

~~~~~~~

A guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.
The bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line."
The guy looks around, but there is no punch line.


....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 20th, 2017, 11:39am     #942
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.
Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?
It’s a little meteor.


Boy: Dad, can you tell me what an eclipse is?
Dad: No sun.


Jupiter to moon on Aug. 21: Do you remember the sun?
Moon: No, I blocked it out.

....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 22nd, 2017, 9:43am     #943
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.
A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, goes up on the footpath, and stops centimeters from a shop window.

For a second, everything goes quiet in the cab, then the driver says, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologizes and says, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replies, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 24th, 2017, 3:05pm     #944
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.
A man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. Whenever they had a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him and the old man liked the fact that he was feared.

Then one evening, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.


After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife said, "let him dig. I had him buried upside down ... and I know he won't ask for directions."

....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
  Old  August 26th, 2017, 10:36am     #945
duknuk is offline
duknuk
Grand Master Sweeper
 
duknuk's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 18,750
Location: Where the buk-buk stops on Long Island.
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.


Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."


Husband: "What’s up?"


Wife: "According to DNA test results, this is not our kid."


Husband: "Well don't you remember? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped."


Then you said, "Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here."

....duknuk's chicks are here!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
joke, laugh

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:00pm.