Old  January 15th, 2018, 9:47am     #1066
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We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘Senior Special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

"Sounds good," my wife said, "but I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay more for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.

"Yes," said the waitress.

"I'll take the special, then," my wife said.

"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.


~~~~~~~~~

I was going to tell you a joke about an egg,
but it's not all it's cracked up to be.


Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.


I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.


A woman takes her son to the doctor's and tells the doctor that he thinks he's a chicken.
The doctor asks, "How long has he been like this?"
The woman replies, "Three years."
The doctor exclaims, "Three years! Why didn't you bring him in sooner?"
The woman says, "We needed the eggs."


It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs. I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.


I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least
they were free so I took some.


Eggs - the original boneless chicken.

....duknuk's chicks are here!
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  Old  January 15th, 2018, 2:22pm     #1067
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A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'd die for you."

The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"

....duknuk's chicks are here!
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  Old  January 17th, 2018, 2:59pm     #1068
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One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.

He stood up in front of the class and said, “Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?”

After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

“Well, good morning. So, you actually think you’re a moron?” the professor asked.

The kid replied, “No sir, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”

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  Old  January 18th, 2018, 9:26am     #1069
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  Old  Yesterday, 1:31am     #1070
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Lotsa one liners here.

America: Love it or give it back.
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  Old  Yesterday, 10:22am     #1071
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A photographer, who was also a confirmed atheist, decided to go into the woods to get photos of the fall foliage. It was a beautiful day: fall colors, birds chirping, babbling brook, and a gentle breeze rustling the leaves.

While snapping shots, the photographer heard a noise behind him, and whirled around to see a huge bear coming through the bushes.

He dropped his camera and ran. And kept running and running… And looking behind him, he noticed the bear was gaining on him! He was so scared that tears came to his eyes. He ran faster, but the bear was closing in on him. He ran faster yet, and tripped over a root. Rolling over onto his back, the man saw the bear rise to his full height and raise a huge paw… and the atheist cried out, “Oh, God, no!”

And everything stopped. The birds stopped chirping. The brook stopped babbling. The gentle breeze stopped. And the bear froze with his paw in the air. And the man heard a booming voice say, “Young man. For years you’ve doubted my very existence, but now that your life is in peril you call my name to help you. Why should I do so?”

And the man thought for a moment, and said, “Yes, you are right. If you are God, then it would be hypocritical of me to become a Christian at this point in my life. But, do you think that you could at least make the bear a Christian for today?” And the booming voice was quiet for a moment and then said, “Done.”

And everything started again. The birds chirping, brook babbling, and gentle breeze rustling the leaves. And the bear slowly lowered his paw. Then the bear put his paws together, and bowed his massive head and said, “Dear Lord, please bless this food we are about to eat.”

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  Old  Yesterday, 11:22am     #1072
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  Old  Yesterday, 11:24am     #1073
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