Old  September 11th, 2017, 3:55pm     #991
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that was funny! thanks for posting.

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  Old  September 13th, 2017, 12:54pm     #992
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At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, “I need a favor. I’m sleeping with the Rabbi’s wife. Can you hold him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?”

Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris’ lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.

After services, he struck up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts of stupid questions – just to keep him occupied.

After some time the wise Rabbi beame suspicious and asked, “Irving what are you really up to?”

Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse confessed to the Rabbi, “I’m sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied.”

The Rabbi smiled, put a brotherly hand on Irving’s shoulder and said, “You’d better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years ago!”

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  Old  September 14th, 2017, 9:45am     #993
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  Old  September 14th, 2017, 4:08pm     #994
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A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUSTN’T RUN AROUND ON ME, MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell.

Much to her surprise (and dismay), she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, “You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you…you have no legs!”

The old man smiled, “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!”

She snorted, “You don’t have any arms either!”

Again, the old man smiled, “Therefore, I can never beat you!”

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, “Are you still good in bed???”

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,

“Rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

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  Old  September 15th, 2017, 12:22am     #995
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‎"A keen sense of humor helps us to overlook the unbecoming, understand the unconventional, tolerate the unpleasant, overcome the unexpected and outlast the unbearable." ~ Billy Graham
http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/Sparkle8 If I win, you win at Swagbucks!
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  Old  September 15th, 2017, 12:33pm     #996
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  Old  September 15th, 2017, 12:43pm     #997
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A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

Rather predictably, the minister looked upon the cowboy with scorn – he viewed alcohol as being the work of the devil.

Nevertheless, the flight attendant then asked him if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Me too. I didn’t know we had a choice.”

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  Old  September 16th, 2017, 9:58pm     #998
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What 8 animals would look like if they had eyes at the front

Nature is truly a majestic thing, but in the hands of someone with photoshop who likes to move eyes around, it can also be both utterly ridiculous and magnificently creepy. 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

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  Old  September 16th, 2017, 9:58pm     #999
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7.

8.

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  Old  September 16th, 2017, 10:00pm     #1000
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  Old  September 16th, 2017, 10:04pm     #1001
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  Old  September 20th, 2017, 9:36pm     #1002
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  Old  September 23rd, 2017, 10:38am     #1003
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A woman's doctor prescribes her testosterone for better bone density, libido, and mood. The woman is a bit dubious, but readily follows the doctor's orders.

A few days later, the doctor gets a call from the woman. "How are you feeling, Mrs. Smith?" he asks.

She replies, "Oh, just wonderful. I am noticing a positive change on these hormones. I am suffering from a little extra hair growth, though."

"Oh, a little extra hair is perfectly normal when on a testosterone course," the doctor says reassuringly. "Where is the hair growing?"

The woman replies, "On my balls."

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