Old  January 7th, 2019, 11:42am     #1276
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I posted this one in 2015, but it's so much better when told by chimps.


+ YouTube Video
ERROR: If you can see this, then YouTube is down or you don't have Flash installed.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_c...&v=PVZieID1pwk

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  Old  January 8th, 2019, 1:32pm     #1277
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Two mice live in a movie studio warehouse and are looking for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing.

"What did you find?" he asks.

"I am not sure," comes the answer. "It looks like a piece of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see ... Ah, yes. It is from 'Gone with the Wind.'"

"So how is it?"

"Eh, the book was better."

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  Old  January 9th, 2019, 9:26am     #1278
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  Old  January 12th, 2019, 10:14am     #1279
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Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller
1/12/19


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  Old  January 12th, 2019, 10:16am     #1280
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(You need to take internet medical advice with a grain of salt.)

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  Old  January 13th, 2019, 3:00pm     #1281
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A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eye patch running around and waving his arms wildly.

“Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”

“I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”

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  Old  January 13th, 2019, 3:10pm     #1282
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What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.


It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you're not a dad.
It’s a faux pa.


What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops.


Did you know that French fries are not cooked in France?
They're cooked in Greece.


What do you call some one with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.




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  Old  Yesterday, 1:27pm     #1283
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During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in a Long-Term Care Home?”

“Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No,” he said. “A normal person would pull the plug.”

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