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  Old  October 7th, 2009, 9:49pm     #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ironbutterfly View Post
I think some people actually do it with the best of intentions, they never learn to say no.
After the first time or two they should learn that they cause a lot more hurt by not keeping their word. If they keep doing it they really do know better.

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  Old  October 7th, 2009, 10:30pm     #17
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I had a boyfriend like that once (long ago) and I came to find out that he had another girlfriend the entire year we dated. That's why he didn't show up a lot of the time. Not saying that is what the OP's boyfriend is doing, but makes me wonder....

"IF YOU CAN'T BE THE POET....BE THE POEM" - DAVID CARRIDINE
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  Old  October 7th, 2009, 11:27pm     #18
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My husband and I decided before our twins were born that when we told our children something, it HAD to be done...no ifs, ands or buts... we want them to completely trust us. And they do. They know when mommy or daddy promises something, it gets done.

granted, when they go to family members, they know which ones cant keep their word.... they see this, and they hate it. This taught them that keeping promises is important.

My kids (5 year olds) completely have our trust and hopefully this will continue throughout their lives since trust is a very hard thing to build.

Our hope is that they are old enough to date (say, around 30 years old) they find boyfriends who will keep their promises and hold their trust to a very high standard. And maybe the cycle will continue on with their kids.....

Smile at people, you don't know what they are going through. That might be the only smile they get all day.
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  Old  October 8th, 2009, 6:44pm     #19
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Originally Posted by fourleeclover View Post
My husband and I decided before our twins were born that when we told our children something, it HAD to be done...no ifs, ands or buts... we want them to completely trust us. And they do. They know when mommy or daddy promises something, it gets done.

granted, when they go to family members, they know which ones cant keep their word.... they see this, and they hate it. This taught them that keeping promises is important.

My kids (5 year olds) completely have our trust and hopefully this will continue throughout their lives since trust is a very hard thing to build.

Our hope is that they are old enough to date (say, around 30 years old) they find boyfriends who will keep their promises and hold their trust to a very high standard. And maybe the cycle will continue on with their kids.....
I think that is wonderful. I wish everyone did this.

My significant other however just broke another promise today. A big promise. He blames some of his behavior on his upbringing (his parents went through a bitter divorce and there was a nasty custody battle) but I think it is his responsibility to break bad patterns that are learned through observation. Why do people perpetuate them, even when they know it is bad?

You've developed a great trust with your kids and I think that's amazing. I truly believe your kids, and their future significant others, will benefit...as well as your future grandchildren.

Although my situation is depressing, it makes me smile to know that some people aren't like this. I keep hoping he will change (and for some people, they do make improvements), but for him, I think he will never change. And I guess it would be worse if we had kids and he disappointed them all the time and not just me. I don't think I would forgive him.

And I do agree...the people who break promises aren't just significant others. They may be family or friends. It's the same people over and over. For me, if I am uncertain if I can commit to something, I make that clear. But if I commit, I will do it. I am not gonna be the person who cried wolf. What good are you without your word? Plus it's pretty selfish to hurt people constantly.

Sigh. I am clearly frustrated. Thanks, everyone, for sharing your thoughts.
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