Please forgive me if these have been posted already...
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow
goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her
and says, "Ma'am,! if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll
forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing
his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband,
rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his
wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed therefor a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he
had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the
pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to
overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came
home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had
this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill,
you didn't!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. "My God, Bill, what
happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle
slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years
ago we w ere sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the
old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years
ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." Where upon,
the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey,"
the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you
today as they were fifty years ago." I wouldn't be surprised," replied
Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
Friday, May 24th, 2013 - 5:33pm ET
That's just too funny. A good laugh before bed.
Proud Mom of a US Marine CPL. D. Garcia Ooh Rah....
11-21-07 MCRD San Diego-Squad Leader-Top PFT for Fox Co.
1-26-08 MCT Camp Pendleton-Squad Leader
6-20-08 MOS Signal Intell-Squad Leader
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