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Jan 15 2008

Posted January 15th, 2008 at 10:42am by yomomma2
From the beginning....

Twelve years ago was the first time I layed eyes on JJ. I was at a school party for my son. JJ was in his class. He was a real cute kid. Too bad no one took care of him. When I say no one took care of him I mean this kid had the worst matted bedhead of hair I had ever seen. His clothes were all rumbled as if he had slept in them , for many nights.
I'll never forget that picture of him. Sometimes when he does things they would make a normal parent scream, I remember what he looked like the first time I saw him, and I bite my tongue.
After that school year JJ moved away for a few years. To Texas I think. He doesn't even remember.

Two year later these kids (him and his sisters) were back in our school system. JJ had new clothes , he was clean, no bedhead.
I remember this because my son came home from school and told me JJ had came back to live with his grandparents and he had lots of stuff now. (that's from a 7 year old)

His sister Anna...
About the same time my oldest daughter (then 9) came home from school one day, so sad. I could tell something was bothering her because she went straight to her bedroom. When I went in to see what was up, I found her going through her closet. Throwing clothes one article at a time onto her bed , saying "I don't like that. That doesn't fit anymore. That would look better on Anna."
When I asked what was up, she turned to me with tears in her eyes. She asked, "Mom, why are kids so mean.?"
Thinking someone had said something mean to my baby I gave her a hug.
She begin to tell me about Anna. ( at this point I didn't even know JJ had a sister)
Sara told me how all the kids were mean to Anna , making fun of her clothes and saying things like 'she stinks' and other cruel things. She also said the clothes she was taking from her closet were going to Anna.
So together we sorted through clothes. In the back of my mind I kept thinking what if her parents are offended by the clothes. What if they take it out on her..
Later I tried to explain this to my daughter but she wasn't hearing any of it. Anna was going to get these clothes one way or another!

The Next day I talked to a neighbor who knew the family. A lady who took the mom grocery shopping each week. (Apparently the mom was legally blind.)
She thought the clothes were a good and a bad idea.
The mom would be ok with it but the dad wouldn't let Anna have them.
After discussing this 'problem' ,my neighbor and I came up with what we thought was a good plan.
Over the next month or so my neighbor gave the mom a few pieces of the clothes at a time. So Anna had clothes...

Then one day my daughter came to me and said, " momma my friends say if I be friends with Anna they won't like me any more." "they say Anna is trash."
I knew I couldn't tell my daughter what the right thing to do was. To me that was something she had to learn, something she had to decide for herself. I told her this and asked that she take some time to think about it.
I don't think I've ever been so proud to this day (9 years later) of what my daughter said after school the next day.

She came home from school the next day happy and all smiles. I asked her how it went. She said, " I told my friends I was going to be friends with Anna. If they didn't like that and didn't want to be my friend anymore, then they weren't really my friends in the first place."
I remember thinking , at 9 my daughter had learned what took me 20 years to learn.

Within the next year JJ and Anna's parents had divorced. Mom moved to Texas and dad got custody.
I remember vaguely hearing how he nearly beat the mom to death. How she had ran for her life, leaving the kids behind.
Over the next few years we saw Anna once in a while. She and her little sister ( at this point I had never seen the sister) lived with their dad.
We saw JJ more often , usually in the afternoons after school he would come play video games with Zach.
JJ lived with his grandparents until both of them suddenly died within a few months apart. He then went to live with his dad.
My son says he remembers when this happened because JJ suddenly had nothing. He wore the same clothes to school everyday. I believe JJ was then 12.
He doesn't remember.

The next several years JJ was at our house most everyday after school. He was very shy, didn't speak unless spoken to. He would play vidoe games with my son . Eat dinner with us. And then go home.

In November 2006 , He had his 16th birthday. We baked him a cake. Threw him a little surprise party and gave him a portable cd player, some t-shirts and a hoodie.( he didn't have a coat) What he said was: "I'm not use to getting gifts, thank you." most I had ever heard the kid speak.
I learned at that time his family never celebrated anything. When he was with his grandparents they had Christmas but his dad said it was a waste of time and money. Birthdays were forgotten..

JJ pretty much did as he pleased as far as I could tell. His dad only ever called my house twice to see if he was there. He didn't seem to care if or when he came home.

We invited him to spend Christmas with us that year. He came up missing. By missing I mean no one , not my son or any of the kids at school knew where he was. Or had heard from him in several days. We became worried because his father was such a nut case.

We were relieved to find out he was gone to Texas to see his mom.

A few weeks later JJ told our son his dad was leaving AR. His dad left him and his two sisters with some friends. He was suppose to be back in a month for them but never came back.
The people JJ lived with were only taking care of him because he inherited some property from his grandparents and they were hoping to get their hands on that.
He was very unhappy there.

My husband and I talked about letting JJ come live with us. We had a family meeting about it. Our kids all thought it was a great idea.
So in April of 2007 JJ joined our family.

I won't say it's been easy . At first he was the perfect kid. Now he's just a teenager with issues. lol
He has many issues , trust issues, attitude where it doesn't belong issues. Me, me, me issues. Don't tell me what to do issues. I hate everyone and everything issues. I keep telling myself he can't help he was never taught how to share with others or how to care for others. There are many things he was never taught...

We're working on it and will continue to work on it as long as it takes.
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Miki's Avatar
What a heart wrenching story, I got a warm and fuzzy feeling towards the end and I couldn't help but, giggle about the teenage issues you are now having. You're family is wonderful for taking this boy in, he now has people who love and care about him. Thank you.
Posted January 17th, 2008 at 1:33am by Miki Miki is offline
 
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