AHHHh!! I need to vent!!

[fairiebabe]

I have not won a sweeps since September!! I had to just pay my first car payment ever in my whole boring life of 27 years. My BF decides to tell me that we will not get engaged until I lose 25lbs and be back to the wasy I was when we met 2 years ago, and that we are not going on a vacation this summer either until I lose the weight. Also I am so tired of talking to my mother eveyday I could scream, we found out about 6 months ago my 21 year old sisiter is a heroin addict and has robbed my mother and everyone else blind my mother was helping her and only making things worse, I am 2 1/2 hours away, I can't help and eveything I try to tell them they do not listen to my ex BF was a recovering addict when we met and he told me all the stories. She tells my parents what they want to hear and then steals from them and takes off again. Its just some of the stuff my mom tells me she has done makes me literally sick to my stomach! Oh and I hate Christmas!! It doesn't feel like the holidays anymore and I try to make it fun for my son but I just can't!! Well thats all the bi%$#en I have to today, Thanks for listening and send some good luck vibes my way!!

[ignoramoose]

I am so sorry that things are rough for you right now! I'm sending good vibes your way and hope things look up for you in the New Year :gvibes: :gvibes:

My BF decides to tell me that we will not get engaged until I lose 25lbs and be back to the wasy I was when we met 2 years ago, and that we are not going on a vacation this summer either until I lose the weight.

And now for my unsolicited advice...Dump his ass right now. Anyone that would say something so awful to you doesn't truly love you and will NOT be there for you through thick and thin. You don't want to be saddled to this person for life, so take it as a sign and be glad that he showed you his true colors before you got engaged or married! To paraphrase Maya Angelou (I think) when someone shows you their true face BELIEVE THEM.

[infinitybean]

Ummm, fairiebabe?
You need to get rid of the boyfriend.
You'll have like 165 fewer pounds of weight on your shoulders, instantly.

[Mary Beth]

I agree with tiny! Find a new boyfriend!

[suelee000]

He wants perfect and he's always going to be disappointed. Don't spend the rest of your life apologizing for not being what HE wants you to be. It gets old real quick

[JOYWIND]

I completely agree with everyone else about the boyfriend thing. Man, that makes me mad. Someone who is going to commit to you for the rest of your life shouldn't put conditions on that love. So you don't fit into the cookie cutter image of what he thinks a woman should look like, screw him!! If you were to marry him would he be there to when your body changed after having more children or when you faced the inevitable changes of aging??? It doesn't sound like it and I wouldn't want to live in paranoia wondering if my husband was going to stick around over something superficial like weight.

I'm so sorry about your sister. Addiction can turn the best people into someone we don't recognize. I will keep her in my prayers.

[Hhhyyyddd]

i hate to jump on a bandwagon, but boyfriend is a jerk. my bf is guilty of a multitude of sins, he is so far from perfect- most people wouldn't put up with him. but i've gained about thirty pounds since i met him, and i know for a fact he prefers stick skinny girls, but he has never said ONE WORD about my weight. not a word. because he loves me and wouldn't want to hurt my feelings.
that stinks about your sister. your mom needs to do some tough love and cut her off and out completely. it's no help letting her lie and steal. no one can help that girl but herself. that's just the way it is.
i hope you can make the best of things for your son. a lot of people are having a miserable christmas, i'll be having mine from a wheelchair. it doesn't even feel like christmas, i've literally been in the house for seven weeks and feel like it's all passing me by.but enough about me! wishing you a win and much happiness!

[noelleray]

hope your sister can find the help she needs to overcome her addiction,i'm very sorry for your family

gotta agree with everyone else,i know its tough to do but if he wants perfect,he needs to go find a perfect world or realize that you mean more to him then 25 extra lbs.

[Robin]

First of all, get rid of your jack$ss boyfriend. He should love you for who you are
and not what you look like! The nerve of this guy, you deserve much, much
better. I too have a younger sister who was/is trouble and would have to listen
to my parents b!tch, day after day after day. They would not listen to any advise
I gave them, even though they were asking for it. Finally had enough and told
them my hubby and kids needed my attention more and there was nothing I
could do since they were not listening to me anyway. Hurt my mom and she
pouted for a few weeks but my dad understood right off. We get along fine now.
I don't ask about my sis and they don't offer any info, I just don't want to know
anymore. I think everything else will look alittle differant to you if you get rid
of your closest problem, the BF. Good luck!

[skpaw]

I agree that a guy who would demand you lose weight before he will get engaged will never make you happy, or be happy himself. People like that will just find another problem to blame on you. If you fix the weight, he will come up with another excuse why you should not get married or do things that are important to you.

Sorry about your sister. This is something only she can fix. I hope she decides to get help. This is a tough time for you. I hope it gets better soon.

[debbie72]

Ax the boyfriend, I'm sorry but that is abusive behavior. He's putting you down, telling you if your not perfect he won't marry you. What happens after the wedding and you gain it back. Marriage is hard enough, you don't need that, and you don't want that and more importantly you don't deserve that. You are better of to be without him. I have had a weight problem for most of my adult years, including before I was married. I'm up then I lose it all, then I gain most of it than I lose it...it'sa a vicious cycle, that I repeat over and over again. One, day I swear I'll get it right. My husband never ever says a word. He loves me no matter what...he makes me feel loved no matter what stage I'm at.
Get rid of him, get rid of him fast...don't waste any more time.

As for your sister...moms gotta cut her loose..and let her be. Tell her she needs to get help or get out.
the end

[fairiebabe]

I have been with him for 2 years and he has never really said anything like that this is the first time and he hasn't said anything since. He knows I'm miserable with my weight, I don't do the things I used to . I start a diet than I quit and I think itsddriving him nuts! I make him buy all kinds of special food and exericse stuff then I don't use it! i think he ws trying to give me motivation but he doesn't have a way with words at all. I know I shouldn't make excuses for him but he isn't mean to me he gives me everything I want and does everything for me, I think he justs wants me to be happy again! I don't know!Thanks for all the kind words about my sister I m just taking it day by day and hope she doesn't end up dead

[oldroses]

Sorry to hear that things are going so badly, I hope they get better soon! I just wanted to say that I think your BF is wrong in how he is going about trying to get you to lose weight. To try and shame you into it, isn't fair of him and it's not going to work. You have to do it for YOU-not for him or other external reasons like for some vacation 6 months from now. Dr. Phil has a good book out right now called "The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution" about getting to the heart of the matter with weight issues, and you might want to give it a look.

Also, as far as your sisters drug addiction and moms enabling of it-frankly, there is nothing you can do. Instead, I would suggest going to some Alanon meetings, which is for people with family members that have serious drug and alcohol problems. It's simply amazing what 12 step programs can do, and it may take a few visits to different meetings to feel comfortable and to find that you're in the right place. As they say there: "Keep coming back, it works if you work it!" I think that you will find that while you can still care about what happens to your sister, the 12 steps will enable you to step back and not let her drug addiction destroy you as well. And when you can, if you can, get your mom to go with you, or attend on her own.

Good Luck and Best Wishes!
:gvibes:

[gunnerclark]

Sorry but I got married chubby, me chubby not her, and gained a lot, and she loves me. I am now loosing, and she loves me. If he only will marry and love you under a certain weight, then tell him to bug off ( not what I really want you to say to him but is close). You can find someone else. Not one person in this world is worth such crud.

[Glam]

Ummm, fairiebabe?
You need to get rid of the boyfriend.
You'll have like 165 fewer pounds of weight on your shoulders, instantly.

I agree with Tiny and the others with similar advice - I wouldn't deal with someone so hung up on my looks. Sending good vibes your way :gvibes:

[Kathleenob]

Trust me on this one- and everyone else too- There is NO way that you want to be with someone who would have the audacity to place conditions on a wedding or vacation date- are alot of people mistaking him for Brad Pitt when HE walks down the street?

It will only get worse. He will NOT have some kind of epiphiny and beg your forgiveness for being such a jerk. The weight thing is a red flag that I ignored, and truly, he will continue to find other things that he just can't live with, and you will end up miserable. Besides, all that work losing weight for him will go to waste, because if you aren't doing it for yourself, it will all come back. It is a vicious cycle. Don't waste the best years of yours or your son's life living with a control freak. It is called anti-social narcissistic sociopathic personality disorder (another word for it is a**hole disorder). Next will be the house not being clean enough, money, your friends, your family- he will NEVER run out of things to rag on you for, and he will never be happy, no matter what you do. Men like that would treat a supermodel the exact same way, so get over thinking it is you, or that you can do anything about it.

Here is the ironic part- after he was ordered to move out, I wasn't thinking about losing weight, but all of the sudden, it started coming off. I have lost 35 pounds since September, so that makes 215 all together (including his sorry butt). Boy, is he looking pretty mad when I show up to pick up the kids skinnier than when he met me...tee hee hee.

As far as the family problem, went thru the same thing with my brother. He had to hit bottom before he straitened himself out- my dad used to go on tirades about it, but I learned to just listen instead of offering any advice- since my advice consisted of kicking his sorry butt out of the house, and my dad wasn't willing to do that.

Anyhow, is sounds corny, but don't try to fix your boyfriend- he cannot be repaired. Just don't take any crap off of him. The breaking point for me was thinking of my sons and little girl growing up thinking the situation we were in was a normal one.

[fairiebabe]

Thanks everyone, I really want to do it and have lost it beofre, I am a manic depressent and my medication isn't wroking and thats why i have gained so much. I know thats not an excuse All I do is cry about it and people at work make fun of me sometimes, I am not huge, I am 5'7" abd about 210, I have a large frame and only wear a size 18. I think he realizes how bad I am hurting myself, I won't go out and public and always look at other woman and say if I could just look like that I would be so much happier. Last year when we wnet on vacation I made him have a horrible time, accused him of looking at every girl passing by and he wasn't, I actually made him come home early. When he wants to have sex I get myself so upset becuase I am ashamed of myself. I never feel good, and I just pretty much hate life. Sorry about all the spelling mistakes, I think faster than I type. Thanks everyone for listening, I really don't have any friends, and my family and old friends are pretty much trash and I want to leave that life behind. For the first time in my life I have everything I could possibly want, a beautiful house, a decent job, a brand new car and a great family, my BF gives me everything I want without question. He says he just wants to see me smile again and enjoy the things I have ! I know there are many of you out there with greater problems than me but it feels good to get it out and know someone actually listens well, reads what I am saying anyway. As for my sister, I love her and really miss her but I never realized how messed up she was, I wish I would have been a better sister to her but she had a good life, she didn't go through everything I went through and would never deserve to, I always said I would never wish what I go through on my worst enemy, being molested as a child, seeing my mom cheat on my dad with his best friend but I think what she is going through is worse than anything that has ever happened to me. She will probally be going to jail, becuase she worked at Wawa and stole a ton of money. I just hope she straightens out beofre its to late. I had a good friend in high school who I stopped hanging out with becuase of the things she did but I didn't know she ended up being an addict and overdosed in some crack house in philly and was raped repeatedly after she died, I just hope this history doesn't repeat itself.

I am so sorry this is long I have been sitting around taking all this in for so long and needed to get it out!!

[fairiebabe]

I forgot to add the worst put I have a cat htat is my life and all I keep worrying about is if something happens to her what would I do, she is only 4 but I really am upset over this, she's my best friend, I tell her stuff no one knows!!

[Defenderofthefaith]

I AGREE WITH EVERYONE ELSE--TIME TO KICK HIS INSENSITiVE BUTT TO THE CURB!!! :mad2:

[Heather]

Fairiebabe: ONE thing you should definitely know is that there TRULY are many members here that care what you have to say.. no matter how lengthy or what the topic! Dont excuse yourself for writing a long discourse... by all means, bring it on! I believe part of what makes this site so wonderful is the kindness members show one another on MANY levels! With almost 25,000 members, there will always be someone here, who relates to you completely or understands your dilemmas. They have great advice to give and we want to help you, especially if it helps you by venting! Hey-- we all need to vent one time or another. If you ever need to talk to anyone or email or pm, feel free to contact me. We are the SAME age! :cool2:
Despite what you have said, it seems you have many positive points going on in your life, as well! Try to focus on what you do have at least sometimes, instead of what you don't. Make the most of everyday, even if it's curling up with your beloved cat, watching a TV show, reading a good book, or entering sweepstakes! :jump: In the end, small things will add up to make you feel happier... doing what you love most.

You may want to rethink the boyfriend! Any man, who wants you to shed pounds before he'll get engaged to you or take a VACATION with you, for crying out loud, is NOT worth keeping around! I'm 27 too, and if I've learned one thing- it's that the person you're with ought to love you for YOU... plain and simple. I mean, it's ONLY 25lbs.. that's nothing! My parents often told me, when I was younger that I should lose weight, and I always heard that from my gymnastics coaches.. even as young as 14. I always had a complex and didn't have any confidence until I went off on my own to college. After a few years in college, I realized I didn't have as many problems as I thought, including weight. If you hear something often enough, you eventually begin to believe it... It took almost a decade to develop some of the confidence I have today, which I severely lacked when younger. I feel better about myself in every aspect of my life, because I have learned to accept myself the way I am.
You would be far happier with a man, who loves you just the way you are. You deserve at least that!! :gvibes:
I wish you the best of luck and hope some GOOD things come your way very soon!! :)

[fairiebabe]

Thanks everyone, you all make me feel so much better!!

[allie]

I think the point isn't whether or not you want or need (for health reasons) to lose the weight.. I needed to lose about 10-20 lbs. when my huband and I began dating. If he had said something similar, we wouldn't be married today and I bet if you asked me about "that one guy I dated once until he made that dumba** remark" I'd say "WHO?" :laugh: But seriously, for him to have the ba**s and then just to be that way to you - what is he going to ask for next? What is he going to expect next?

It's one thing if he sits you down and says "Hon, I am really worried about your weight.. you are beautiful to me inside and out but I am worried about losing you sooner than "your time" due to heart problem due to your weight" etc etc etc THAT is different, him just saying "Lose 25 lbs and I'll marry your skinny behind".. no way. I think that is just setting yourself up for a marriage that will eventually fail and/or feeling really sh*tty about yourself for years to come and that is NOT fair to YOU!

{{HUGS}} Just know we are all talking either from experience (or hopefully inexperience but most all of us have seen this happen before and seen the consequences). ;)

PS Some people don't know what to say to their significant others when the person is having issues with their looks/weight/self esteem. I had (and still have somewhat) self esteem issues in certain areas, my husband is STILL dumbfounded on what to say or do when I bring them up and vent about them. He knows now that there isn't really anything he can say except hug me and be there for me. But I will say some people (and they are trying their hardest here usually) say really dumb things and don't realize what they are saying. It's hard to say, you have to decide within yourself if he was just being a dumbie at the time or being an inconsiderate jerk.

[midwestnurse]

YES, YES, I agree! Dump the boyfriend and enroll yourself in a self-esteem class.

Can you imagine the things he'll say to you AFTER you're married? Remember, he's on his best behavior now. Good luck.

[sgbecb]

I think you should AGREE to try to lose the weight (put it in writing). Then, draw up a contract and make him sign it. In the contract, put that should he EVER get a gut, a receding hairline or hair in his nose, that you will leave him!

GOOD LUCK TO ME AND MY FELLOW SWEEPERS!

[prissypott]

Total agreement here too.
Get rid of the boyfriend and keep the 25 lbs.
A person like that is not the kind of person you can count on if your health or beauty ever fade.
God forbid, would he dump you if you ever had a breast removed Or had an accident and your face were disfigured? Love cannot be conditional and still be love.
God Bless and good vibes for the new year!

[anangke]

Hey fairebabe, I'm sorry your having such horrible problems. I hope your sister gets the help she needs. I don't know about your boyfriend. I hear what your saying that he's not asking you to lose for him but for the both of you. I don't think it's fair that he is trying to control you though, even if his intentions aren't malicious. He should support you .(period) I do think it's pretty insensitive of him to hit you with such an inconsiderate demand right at the holidays and when your having problems with your family. His demand probably compounded your anxiety. You might try couple counseling, if he refuses then I'd rethink the relationship. And don't feel bad if you want to post and it's going to be long. You can take as many posts as you need. we'll read them :) I'll pray for you. oh and I know how you feel about your cat. I've formed a very strong bond with my cats. My older cat (13yrs) her mother abandoned her and I bottled feed her. Now I see her as my baby. She even says moma, I swear! LOL I couldn't do without them.