Is there any way he was NOT hitting on me?

[Kayte71]

I don't know what is going on with my relationships w/ people that I keep having to post in the advice forum but here goes:
So, we had our family gathering the other night good times were had by everyone but my sister's boyfriend's brother started acting weird. I was hoping to chalk this one up to too much wine but he only had one glass. I'm chatting with him like normal and he keeps working into the conversation that he "likes" me. So I say "You are a nice person too-glad you are part of our family. blah blah. Keep in mind, my boyfriend is sitting right there the whole time holding my hand. He knows I have a BF, he knows we live together- it is not a mystery.
So, as he is leaving, my sister walks him out and he says to her- Tell your sister I'd rather hang out with her than the girls that come up to me at my gigs(he plays in a band) She is a really cool chick." So, my sister comes back and shares this with the entire room(pissing my boyfriend off) and I make a joke about it and change the subject. Now, My BF is totally acting macho penis-y and I am going to be uncomfortable when this guy comes over. I'm trying to tell my BF that perhaps he didn't mean it like it sounded?

[noni1959]

He told your sister this and said it in front of people. What was her reaction? Ok with it? I would think he's just being the over friendly guy without much sense. Men and women can be friends and nothing else. I have a friend that tells me and his wife he'd rather talk to me then his best friend about things. He's never hit on me.

Time will tell though. Your BF is acting normal in this situation. His territory has been invaded. :tongue:

[Kayte71]

My sister acted shocked- like checking my reaction to it-- and laughing nervously.

[Porkchop]

I don't know what is going on with my relationships w/ people that I keep having to post in the advice forum but here goes:
So, we had our family gathering the other night good times were had by everyone but my sister's boyfriend's brother started acting weird. I was hoping to chalk this one up to too much wine but he only had one glass. I'm chatting with him like normal and he keeps working into the conversation that he "likes" me. So I say "You are a nice person too-glad you are part of our family. blah blah. Keep in mind, my boyfriend is sitting right there the whole time holding my hand. He knows I have a BF, he knows we live together- it is not a mystery.
So, as he is leaving, my sister walks him out and he says to her- Tell your sister I'd rather hang out with her than the girls that come up to me at my gigs(he plays in a band) She is a really cool chick." So, my sister comes back and shares this with the entire room(pissing my boyfriend off) and I make a joke about it and change the subject. Now, My BF is totally acting macho penis-y and I am going to be uncomfortable when this guy comes over. I'm trying to tell my BF that perhaps he didn't mean it like it sounded?

Oh, he was hitting on you my dear.....No doubt!

Now if you BF starts peeing on the furniture to mark his territory, you might have a problem.....But I'd say normal reaction considering :sweat:

[elizabethb]

Aww, I don't know. Maybe he just finds you easy to talk to and genuinely likes you and wanted you to know that. Sure, he probably has a mild crush, but there's no reason your boyfriend should feel upset about it. It's not as if you're interested in the guy. I think if he was trying to come on to you, he'd try to get you alone rather than telling you how much he likes you in front of your boyfriend.

I would just overlook it, but if he starts really laying in on thick, let him know you're obviously attached and that he's being disrespectful of your relationship.

[noni1959]

He has a band and has groupies. He hangs with women that comes to the gigs. Not good BF material for you sister. Doesn't mean he does them and yet we have no idea here.

But it still doesn't mean he's hitting on you but then again we don't know his whole personality and what else he does.

Don't ever be in a situation to be alone with him and hopefully sister will find her someone more stable.

[elizabethb]

He has a band and has groupies. He hangs with women that comes to the gigs. Not good BF material for you sister. Doesn't mean he does them and yet we have no idea here.

But it still doesn't mean he's hitting on you but then again we don't know his whole personality and what else he does.

Don't ever be in a situation to be alone with him and hopefully sister will find her someone more stable.

It's her sister's boyfriend's brother.

[Kayte71]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Maybe he just has an odd way of being friendly? My BF said,"If he starts that crap again, I'm going to tell him where to go. And if he touches you- I'm going to lay his ass out." Lovely. So, I'm thinking I probably need to talk to my sister's BF and tell him to tell his bro to chill. Now, part of me finds this a little bit funny- but if they actually start fighting- it is not going to be good.

Aww, I don't know. Maybe he just finds you easy to talk to and genuinely likes you and wanted you to know that. Sure, he probably has a mild crush, but there's no reason your boyfriend should feel upset about it. It's not as if you're interested in the guy. I think if he was trying to come on to you, he'd try to get you alone rather than telling you how much he likes you in front of your boyfriend.

I would just overlook it, but if he starts really laying in on thick, let him know you're obviously attached and that he's being disrespectful of your relationship.

[crazywolf]

A kick in the nuts should solve your problems

[Zales127]

Hmmm..this is a toughy, since your boyfriend was sitting there I would say that maybe he was just being sincere. Maybe, being in a band, all he gets are airheads who want to hang all over him and sleep with him..maybe he really liked that fact that you were just a real girl who just wanted to talk and have a good conversation....maybe???????

[Faulkner99]

He could just be socially awkward. Some people are also super-friendly, but they don't mean anything romantic by it. I think it would be extremely odd for someone to hit on you while you were sitting there with your boyfriend. Not that you're not absolutely adorable, but, you know. ;)

[secular]

He was hitting on you. I haven't been hit on in a long time (except for my husbands pervy friend a couple years ago) or if I have I didn't realize it. At this point I would take it as a compliment.

You just need to reassure BF that you are with him.

[Kayte71]

lol! That would make all our family gatherings really comfortable.:yay:

A kick in the nuts should solve your problems

[hellamanic]

definitely had intentions from the sound of the story. It sounds like most people who were over hearing his comments were uncomfortable with the situation including your sister and she only told you because he asked and because she probably wanted to see if you had any motives with her boyfriend as well.

Id just be sure to steer clear of him and let your sister know that you were a little uncomfortable with the comments made and felt that he may have had other intentions and for that reason you're going to keep your distance from him except for at unavoidable events like family functions in which case you would like him to refrain from comments like he had stated and maybe refrain from making anything but small talk with you if any talk at all.

I definitely wouldn't be having them over or anything of that nature. things like that between siblings can get fishy even if you dont do anything and you dont have interests in him. Your sister may still attack you over him because thats what some women do. they go after the person who is being hit on by their significant other instead of the significant other who is at fault. Its best just to avoid any situation which may provoke problems like that.

[elizabethb]

Your sister may still attack you over him because thats what some women do. they go after the person who is being hit on by their significant other instead of the significant other who is at fault. Its best just to avoid any situation which may provoke problems like that.

It's her sister's boyfriend's brother.

[goodthunder]

Only you can judge the situation, because only you know the people envolved and their personalities.

But I'd sure be asking my sister " Why the hell did you have to make the presentation in front of the whole room and start all the damn drama in the first place !

She certainly could have mentioned it to you quietly at another time when the two of you were alone. She caused undue stress on you, your boyfriend and your relationship that didn't need to be put there.

[Kayte71]

Yes, not my sister's boyfriend- or there would have definitely been some kicking in the balls going on.

It's her sister's boyfriend's brother.

[elizabethb]

Yes, not my sister's boyfriend- or there would have definitely been some kicking in the balls going on.

:rofl3:

The Kicking of the Balls can be a huge turning point in some men's lives.

[Kayte71]

Yes, this is a good point- and my BF said this too- I think it could have been handled better on her part, and I'm going to tell her that.

Only you can judge the situation, because only you know the people envolved and their personalities.

But I'd sure be asking my sister " Why the hell did you have to make the presentation in front of the whole room and start all the damn drama in the first place !

She certainly could have mentioned it to you quietly at another time when the two of you were alone. She caused undue stress on you, your boyfriend and your relationship that didn't need to be be put there.

[aycorn]

hmm tough one.. definitely on the weird side.. however maybe i can offer a different perspective

It's possible that he found you really refreshing (compared to the girls that come up to him). He could be drawn to you on some level (nothing sexual or erotic..just a pull.. it happens). He could and must find you interesting and smart, likable and comfortable to be around. Perhaps the way it came across was weird and awkward but it could be nothing more than a "hey I like you, make sure you're at the next party so we can hang out " kinda thing.

I wouldn't think much of it unless he started trying to sit between you and your bf while you were holding hands or something :cool3: It's good to be liked ..it's quite flattering.




I don't know what is going on with my relationships w/ people that I keep having to post in the advice forum but here goes:
So, we had our family gathering the other night good times were had by everyone but my sister's boyfriend's brother started acting weird. I was hoping to chalk this one up to too much wine but he only had one glass. I'm chatting with him like normal and he keeps working into the conversation that he "likes" me. So I say "You are a nice person too-glad you are part of our family. blah blah. Keep in mind, my boyfriend is sitting right there the whole time holding my hand. He knows I have a BF, he knows we live together- it is not a mystery.
So, as he is leaving, my sister walks him out and he says to her- Tell your sister I'd rather hang out with her than the girls that come up to me at my gigs(he plays in a band) She is a really cool chick." So, my sister comes back and shares this with the entire room(pissing my boyfriend off) and I make a joke about it and change the subject. Now, My BF is totally acting macho penis-y and I am going to be uncomfortable when this guy comes over. I'm trying to tell my BF that perhaps he didn't mean it like it sounded?

[goodthunder]

Perhaps it doesn't matter whether he was hitting on you or not. If you are uncomfortable with his approach and you are happy in your relationship with yourboyfriend, the best way to solve the situation is to send the " hitter" from the band, a note from both you and your BF saying that to avoid future discomfort to all, mental and physical, he needs to throttle back on talks with only you. But both of you would be willing to speak to him together if he insists.

That should help you and your BF get more comfortable with control of the situation.

[Meadow]

hmm tough one.. definitely on the weird side.. however maybe i can offer a different perspective

It's possible that he found you really refreshing (compared to the girls that come up to him). He could be drawn to you on some level (nothing sexual or erotic..just a pull.. it happens). He could and must find you interesting and smart, likable and comfortable to be around. Perhaps the way it came across was weird and awkward but it could be nothing more than a "hey I like you, make sure you're at the next party so we can hang out " kinda thing.

I wouldn't think much of it unless he started trying to sit between you and your bf while you were holding hands or something :cool3: It's good to be liked ..it's quite flattering.

That was also my take on it.

[elizabethb]

I wouldn't think much of it unless he started trying to sit between you and your bf while you were holding hands or something :cool3:

:laugh: At which point her boyfriend's head would explode.

[Kayte71]

This is what I was leaning towards- but my BF was like, "Nope, no way,he was flirting- and your sister thought so too." So if he wanted to be our friend, he only succeeded in making my BF defensive. It's odd, no matter what he was thinking.Flattering sure, but not if Scott is going to be spoiling for a fight. I said, "So worst case maybe he is attracted- what do you think I'm going to do-rip off my clothes and start making out with him?" But Scott says he is being very disrespectful and any guy would not stand for it,ect. I guess I was not expecting my BF to act like a rabid dog,lol.


hmm tough one.. definitely on the weird side.. however maybe i can offer a different perspective

It's possible that he found you really refreshing (compared to the girls that come up to him). He could be drawn to you on some level (nothing sexual or erotic..just a pull.. it happens). He could and must find you interesting and smart, likable and comfortable to be around. Perhaps the way it came across was weird and awkward but it could be nothing more than a "hey I like you, make sure you're at the next party so we can hang out " kinda thing.

I wouldn't think much of it unless he started trying to sit between you and your bf while you were holding hands or something :cool3: It's good to be liked ..it's quite flattering.

[aycorn]

well.. to be crude and blunt.... tell your bf to put his dick back in his pants and stop swinging it like a club. He knows he's not going to do anything so he should just sit down and shut up lol. Men like to make a lot of noise, but the few who will actually do something are generally more about action than talk.

Besides, is it so odd that someone would be attracted to you? I'm sure many people are. The boy will have to learn to accept it and get over it. You're with him. He's the one you chose. Tell him to stop beating his chest, he'll only end up looking foolish.

This is what I was leaning towards- but my BF was like, "Nope, no way,he was flirting- and your sister thought so too." So if he wanted to be our friend, he only succeeded in making my BF defensive. It's odd, no matter what he was thinking.Flattering sure, but not if Scott is going to be spoiling for a fight. I said, "So worst case maybe he is attracted- what do you think I'm going to do-rip off my clothes and start making out with him?" But Scott says he is being very disrespectful and any guy would not stand for it,ect. I guess I was not expecting my BF to act like a rabid dog,lol.

[Kayte71]

lol- Aycorn. I told him that he doesn't need to act like a caveman. Hopefully, it'll just blow over without this turning into anything stupid.

[EllaBarns]

I think he was just being overly friendly. My BF is super friendly like that (he's in a band with braindead groupies too) and gets hung up on certain people, whether they are male or female, if he just likes what they have to say. It can be annoying, but he means well.

But if everyone got the idea that he was flirting, maybe he was... hard to say really.

[ironbutterfly]

Aww, I don't know. Maybe he just finds you easy to talk to and genuinely likes you and wanted you to know that. Sure, he probably has a mild crush, but there's no reason your boyfriend should feel upset about it. It's not as if you're interested in the guy. I think if he was trying to come on to you, he'd try to get you alone rather than telling you how much he likes you in front of your boyfriend.

I would just overlook it, but if he starts really laying in on thick, let him know you're obviously attached and that he's being disrespectful of your relationship.

I agree. Especially if he is generally around vapid bar flys who have no bigger goal in life than to bump uglies with a band guy. I know the type. The same type who dumb down and talk like little girls because they think it makes them sexy:smile11:

Since he was open about it, and made his remarks in front of everyone I wouldn't worry.

[zelda]

He could just be socially awkward. Some people are also super-friendly, but they don't mean anything romantic by it. I think it would be extremely odd for someone to hit on you while you were sitting there with your boyfriend. Not that you're not absolutely adorable, but, you know. ;)

I agree. I have my guy that girl friends. They tell me I am easies to talk to than most of the other girls they know. Plus I am into the sci-fi stuff, the comic book movies, etc. So we just have more stuff to talk about than they would with most girls I/they know. But htey all know i am married (have been for 16 years, never once hit on me).

[zelda]

because she probably wanted to see if you had any motives with her boyfriend as well.
.

Not her sister's BF the brother of the BF

[Kayte71]

Hey IB- I had some vapid band chasing moments-- I refer to them as "my twenties.":smile8:

I agree. Especially if he is generally around vapid bar flys who have no bigger goal in life than to bump uglies with a band guy. I know the type. The same type who dumb down and talk like little girls because they think it makes them sexy:smile11:

Since he was open about it, and made his remarks in front of everyone I wouldn't worry.

[ironbutterfly]

Hey IB- I had some vapid band chasing moments-- I refer to them as "my twenties.":smile8:

See I never got the chasing. But honestly I think I've been called an old soul since I was 10 so I may be a bit off :laugh:

[zelda]

See I never got the chasing. But honestly I think I've been called an old soul since I was 10 so I may be a bit off :laugh:



I have a male friend who is a guitar player in a band. When we (hubby and I ) go out to his gigs he usually hangs around and talks to me between sets, because well most of the girls that show up to his shows, are as you descriced...and about 10 years younger than we both are. Sometimes guys just like talking to someone with a brain. He has a GF, she has a young son, and can't make it to most of his shows. He always tells me he likes me and thinks I am "cool", and he is glad I am there or he might have the "groupies" hounding him.

[Meadow]

See I never got the chasing. But honestly I think I've been called an old soul since I was 10 so I may be a bit off :laugh:


Me either - I have to be the "one and only" not the "one of many!" :yesyes:

[Kayte71]

It was all in good fun. I never did anything gross, or contemplated going on a reality show or anything. I dated a couple band guys, I never took anyone very seriously until I grew up a bit. I definitely was guided by my vagina and not my head though.:tongue:

[ironbutterfly]

It was all in good fun. I never did anything gross, or contemplated going on a reality show or anything. I dated a couple band guys, I never took anyone very seriously until I grew up a bit. I definitely was guided by my vagina and not my head though.:tongue:

I have only been with 2 men since the age of 17, and only my husband since 19. I just never was into casual anything. I'm weird. I think it was the 9 years of catholic school, made me super naughty but super monogamous:rofl3:

[Kayte71]

My cousin went to Catholic school and is totally the same way. But my best friend did too, and she was just as slutty as I was-lol.:look:

[ironbutterfly]

My cousin went to Catholic school and is totally the same way. But my best friend did too, and she was just as slutty as I was-lol.:look:

OMG slutty:rofl3: Stop it :rofl3:

[PGRIFF]

I don't know what is going on with my relationships w/ people that I keep having to post in the advice forum but here goes:
So, we had our family gathering the other night good times were had by everyone but my sister's boyfriend's brother started acting weird. I was hoping to chalk this one up to too much wine but he only had one glass. I'm chatting with him like normal and he keeps working into the conversation that he "likes" me. So I say "You are a nice person too-glad you are part of our family. blah blah. Keep in mind, my boyfriend is sitting right there the whole time holding my hand. He knows I have a BF, he knows we live together- it is not a mystery.
So, as he is leaving, my sister walks him out and he says to her- Tell your sister I'd rather hang out with her than the girls that come up to me at my gigs(he plays in a band) She is a really cool chick." So, my sister comes back and shares this with the entire room(pissing my boyfriend off) and I make a joke about it and change the subject. Now, My BF is totally acting macho penis-y and I am going to be uncomfortable when this guy comes over. I'm trying to tell my BF that perhaps he didn't mean it like it sounded?

sounds like he might have a bit of a crush on you (so what it's probably not the first or the last .) funny your sister felt she had to share with everybody in the room. since her information is hear say you don't know the intent of the compliment. Was she trying to help him or hinder him ? but since she did make a public announcement you may as well find some humor in it. Your guy might have some insecurities from the way he acted. just let him know it's his problem and if you cater to his anger you change the dynamics of your relationship .(remember you did nothing wrong).

[Kayte71]

Great point. I shouldn't really have to say anything to anybody. I have a bad habit of thinking I have to soothe everybody's feelings and put out fires before they happen. I wasn't flirting-so I'll just relax. (Damn it, I thought all those care taking issues were resolved in therapy! lol )

sounds like he might have a bit of a crush on you (so what it's probably not the first or the last .) funny your sister felt she had to share with everybody in the room. since her information is hear say you don't know the intent of the compliment. Was she trying to help him or hinder him ? but since she did make a public announcement you may as well find some humor in it. Your guy might have some insecurities from the way he acted. just let him know it's his problem and if you cater to his anger you change the dynamics of your relationship .(remember you did nothing wrong).

[hellamanic]

Yes, not my sister's boyfriend- or there would have definitely been some kicking in the balls going on.

haha i totally read that wrong. thanks for correcting me. I came back and i read that and I was like... wait... well thats still just as weird, but NOT as bad as if it was her boyfriend doing it in front of her.

still really awkward, but at least you can have your sister and her boyfriend over. just not the brother ;)