Teen daughters drinking problem =(

[Qtrhrsegal]

WOW...I had the most awful night at work wednesday night....It all started when I let my 14 yo stay over at a friends grandmothers house. I talked to her before I let Nikki go, and told her that I had some issues with Nkki. The first being drinking, the second boys. She assured me that there would be no drinking at her house, and that her and her husband were going to start a bonfire for the kids, and they would be watching them.
WELL, I am sitting at the nurses station at 12:00 am, and I hear the ambulance dispatch calling that they are bring in a 14 yo girl in with alcohol intoxication. Unresponsive at the scene, but responding somewhat in the ambulance. I called down to our hospital ambulance dispatch, and asked for a name...and yes it was my daughter.
Well, when she got to the hospital, she was in pretty bad shape, totally bombed, BAC was 2.0, her blood pressure was 80's over 30's-40's. I was a total wreck, but helped out with everything in the ER. She was finally sent up to the ICU around 2:00am, and finally woke up around 3:00. I found out she had stolen the alcohol from the grandmas house. Filled a water bottle half way full with clear alcohol. No one knew she was drinking. Until she started acting funny, and eventually passed out. That’s when they called for the ambulance. They also had to do a rape kit on her, because somethings were weird about how they found her when they arrived on the scene?? Needless to say I had one LONG night didn't get out of the hospital till 4:00pm on thursday afternoon...had been awake at that point for 32 hrs.
She is fine now, but I will have to get her into some sort of counseling or treatment.
Her wonderful father (HA HA) also verbally attacked me in the ER room with her saying that it was all my fault, because I am so f****ing greedy...OMG, he is the one who is screwing with her life , and has her so messed up. She has been so messed up since her started bribing, her and giving her guilt trips to move I with him, so he doesn't have to pay child support. It is to the point where she doesn't even want to go over there anymore. Well enough of my story here, she is doing well now, just going to have to deal with the drinking thing now. I made an appointment for her next week at a alcohol/drug rehab center.


w.

[janna]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Alcohol abuse is hard on families. It's good that you made her an appointment now so you can try and head off as much as possible. Letting it go on like it's not going on makes it worse.

Maybe some alnon and AA may help? People that go to meetings are very supportive of each other.

[Light474]

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. I'm glad that she is okay and that you are going to get her help. :hugs: Wishing your family all the best and for a good recovery for your daughter. :gvibes: :gvibes:

[littlelulu]

Sorry you are going thru this. I would definitely look into counseling

[erinkman]

So sorry! I would look into some help ASAP. I had lots of drinking problems at as a teen and wish I would have got help then!

[Lisa4Christ]

I am so sorry to hear this.
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[bidred73]

Sorry that you have to deal with this. Please seek counseling quickly. It is probably just a one time dumb thing that teens do but better to nip it now instead of later when the grip is stronger. Good luck to you and your daughter. :hugs:

[MrsM]

We have a case like this in the office - the mother of the drunk girl sued the mother whose house she was over for negligence, etc. The woman LOST!!!! Thank goodness - take responsibility for your own kid.

Anyway, I'm so sorry about that - I can only imagine. I won't even let teenagers stay over my house. I sure as heck don't want to be responsible for someone else's kid's drunkeness.

[Txsweeper]

I am so sorry to hear this, hopefully this was a BIG wake-up call for her! She is so lucky to be alive. Hopefully this will be the end of it and she won't want to drink anymore!

Hang in there Mom, tell DAD to take a leap off the nearest cliff!!!

[tamiwami]

Hopefully this scared her enough to WANT to get help. I am sure with the right counseling and rehab, she can come out of this o.k. and get on with her life.

I must say that you should really talk to her father and try and call some sort of truce because it sounds like that could really be bothering your daughter. Maybe she's using drinking as an escape. He sounds like a real A$$, however, maybe he loves her enough to push his issues aside and be there for her.

Good luck. I am glad she is o.k. You sound like a very caring and loving mom.

[meeeee]

so sorry for your daughter and your stress
I would get her in a program quickly. Good luck :hugs:

[toydiva65]

OMG! I am so sorry you are going through this! Raising a teenager is sooo difficult, especially a daughter (been there, done that!)

Getting her help ASAP is a good thing....especially if you can find a peer program so she knows she's not alone. Get yourself into Alanon as well. OH! Doesn't AA have Alateen?

Hang in there momma.....and don't let dad's "blame game" get to you!! It's not about blame right now, it's about pulling together as a family and getting your dd well!!

HUGS!! :hugs:

[fromtheheart66]

Hopefully this was enough to scare her straight. DD's friend did the same thing. It was very scary. She was at anothers friends house and the mom called me. I was like get her to a hospital..gesh! They are all goin to try it. Some with horrible results. Take care of yourself too!!!!

[Qtrhrsegal]

Hopefully this scared her enough to WANT to get help. I am sure with the right counseling and rehab, she can come out of this o.k. and get on with her life.

I must say that you should really talk to her father and try and call some sort of truce because it sounds like that could really be bothering your daughter. Maybe she's using drinking as an escape. He sounds like a real A$$, however, maybe he loves her enough to push his issues aside and be there for her.

Good luck. I am glad she is o.k. You sound like a very caring and loving mom.


Her father is an ass...we have been in a custody battle for over a year now. I filed for child support to finally have it legalized that the girls are his in the laws eyes. Not asking for back child support or anything more. well he filed for custody 2 days after he was served papers. He doesn't want to pay child support because he owns 2 houses, and has 2 other kids, and his wife quit her job. So he has been trying to get my 14 yo to move in with him. My 12 yo will have nothing to do with that. So he has been bribing, and giving the girls guilt trips about moving in with him. He is working much harder on my oldest, and I know this is why she is doing the things she is. She was a great student, well her grades have dropped, the drinking, and major attitude at times. This is too much stress to put on a teenager. He believes he is doing this in the best interest of the girls....BUT it is in his best interest only. We were never married, and he abandoned me and the girls for another woman( his wife now) 11 years ago. I have raised these girls, ther whole lives...where was he except for the ocassional every other weekend. We have been to 2 mediations, and he has backed out of both after we had made an agreement. He always wants more. I agreed to less than statutory child support amount, no arrears, and he then wanted to have one of the girls to write off on taxes. I finally said no. court is going to be the only way to settle this. We have been to a psychologist, who said there should be no change in custody, and are now going through a custody eval through the county. My girls don't even want to go to his house the majority of the time. A cout date is tenative for the end of Aug. I cant wait for all of this to end. Even though I know it probably will never be really over.

Thank you all for your support, I really appreciate it.

[ironbutterfly]

We have a case like this in the office - the mother of the drunk girl sued the mother whose house she was over for negligence, etc. The woman LOST!!!! Thank goodness - take responsibility for your own kid.

Anyway, I'm so sorry about that - I can only imagine. I won't even let teenagers stay over my house. I sure as heck don't want to be responsible for someone else's kid's drunkeness.

Take responsibility for your own kid? I am confused, didn't she hand over that responsibility to the parents of the friend as she was under their roof?:sherlock: Not saying the law suit was necessary, but most parents I think would hold the other folks accountable for their daughter getting hammered in their home while they were supposed to be under their supervision. I guess it would depend on where they got the booze too :uhoh:

To the OP, what a heart breaking story :frown2: She needs help fast. My only advice is to see a doctor and see what kinds of therapy they would suggest. I'm sorry her father sounds like a problem.

[kathy55439]

keeping you both in my prayers.....

[laurenk503]

She is trying to numb some pain and hurting right now. You are being a great mom to get her help - she is crying out.

If it is at all possible try to come together with her dad on civil terms and let her know that despite your differences and all that is going on you both love her.

Your ex should NOT be using your daughter as a pawn! :mad3:

I would tell your daughter this has NOTHING to do with her and that the decision is not hers so that she has NOTHING to be guilty of!!!

That is a HUGE burden for a teenager to be living with - guilt. Teenagers want the adults to be in control and to not have to have these burdens on them. Even though they act like they are adults or can make impt. decisions deep inside they don't want to put in that position.

You are a great mom and I will pray for you both. Give her lots of hugs.

[jaklackus]

My parents divorced when I was around 14....there was a fight for custody...but it was because custody meant no money going out the door...it had nothing to do with what was best for us...it was what was best for their budgets. It was petty and really made me question what was important. By time I was 16 I was telling both of my parents to grow up and get over themselves. I lost a lot of respect for both of them....and I always knew that I ranked just a little bit lower than having cash in the bank. Games were played on both sides...lies told to try to turn us against the other parent.....looking back it was ABUSIVE...my brother locked himself in his room for 2 years so he wouldn't have to hear any of it. My father passed away about 13 years ago and we never resolved anything.....and my mother still bitches every once in awhile about how she had to pay my dad because of the decision that I made to live with him....and in the next breath she claims that she never let us know what was going on....which is bull...but I guess it helps her feel better about how she acted 21-23 years ago...who know she might not have even realized how much she involved us in her battle with my father.

I can understand being angry....but at this point you need to work together for the sake of your daughter....if he is getting hung up on being able to claim one of the kids(which is small and petty on his part)....well let him claim one of the kids if it means moving forward and providing an environment for your kids that doesn't focus on how much money daddy is sending to mommy and how much money mommy should be getting from daddy.

I am just sharing my experience..because I know how much it sucks when the head games start and how focused everyone becomes about the money. I hope your daughter recovers and can move forward without anymore self abuse and she learns the importance of loving herself despite everything else that goes wrong in her world.

[luvey]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have gone through a similar thing with my son. He is getting treatment again and has been alcohol free for 90 days. He is in an intensive outpatient program. He goes 5 days a week for 5 hours a day for 12 weeks. Previously we have tried counseling and also inpatient with him, but it didn't work.

I will be praying for you and your daughter. I know how difficult, scary and stressful this is for a parent. I hope that she will get the help that she needs.:gvibes: