View Full Version : POLL: Has distributon of a family inheritance ever ticked off your siblings?

February 5th, 2007, 10:28am
So, after distributing the grandchildren's portion of my grandmother's estate over eight years ago, I find out last night that two of my sisters have been fuming for years about who got what, and what items I have in my house. When I reminded them that lists went out daily that showed exactly what other people got, and urging them to object or question allocation at that time, they couldn't remember the spreadsheets, daily emails, etc.

So, the question is:

Has distributon of a family inheritance ever ticked off your siblings?

I'm so frustrated now I could just SPIT.

February 5th, 2007, 10:37am
no immediate inhertance here thank goodness. We lost grandma in may 06 but grandpa is still here. I have lost my great grandparents but no issues there.

February 5th, 2007, 10:45am
I saw my dad's brothers and sisters fighting over their mom's estate the day after she died. It was sad.

In my case, I'm the only one left as my sisters and dad are gone, so this will not be an issue for me.

February 5th, 2007, 10:50am
Not property, but a relative just had a big fight over what gravesite a parent could be buried in. Is there nothing people won't fight over?

February 5th, 2007, 10:52am
yep I got throw out of the will signed every Paper they sent me then they still wanted more a blank formed signed by me and my DH he refused because of it being blank.So when I called at Christmas my aunt told me I was no longer in my fathers will that I had been thrown out.Oh well I won't cry about it didn't have it so didn't lose anything.I refuse to let it affect me my dad has been gone now for 3 years and I still have memories.I must say though it hurt when I got nothing like personal items from him or my mom.Asked for something from my grandmothers house and only got a small Christmas ornament.Guess thats what I get for living so far away all the time DH is retired military so I had no choice.It's still ok love has nothing to do with things that are left they are all in my heart and that's all that matters and if I fight with them it would change who I'm am.

February 5th, 2007, 10:54am
I'm an only child :cheer7: :cheer7:. I get the house and the pug and the cat and everything else

February 5th, 2007, 10:54am
Well to make a long story - short - my husband and I took care of both my FIL and MIL for over 10 years. We fixed meals, clean their house, did their yard work, etc, however, his two brothers did very little to help out. So his dad left us a larger part of the estate and his brothers were jerks about it! The nerve of some people.

February 5th, 2007, 10:56am
I had an uncle (never married) die a few years ago and 2 of my siblings were in his will. There are 4 of us so that meant I and anther were left out. It was ok with me I wasn't close to him but my brother can't forget about it. The bad part about it was my parents had told my brother his name was on a bank account and turns out one of the other siblings got it instead. I blame my parents for this because they had no way of knowing what was in the will. This has caused very hard feeling for the brother and other sibling so much they barely talk. I feel bad for both of my siblings. Here's a lesson for everyone who may have some knowledge or think they do about someone's will. don't spread the word about what do think you know, keep your mouth shut, remember you aren't involved. JMO

February 5th, 2007, 10:56am
Nope. Nobody in my family's got squat!

February 5th, 2007, 10:57am
and if I fight with them it would change who I'm am.

What a wonderful statement! I am going to try to remember that.
Thank you for the wisdom--I've been so upset about this it was much needed. :gvibes:

February 5th, 2007, 10:59am
Between DH and I there's only been one distribution of an inheritance and it has gone smoothly, as far as I know.

February 5th, 2007, 11:01am
Yes and that is why I always say that if I knew I were going to die tomorrow, I would go out and spend all my money today....except maybe leave a little for funeral expenses. :cool2:

February 5th, 2007, 11:03am
Not with my siblings, but I have seen it with my mom and her siblings and also with my in-laws.

My mom's brother decided about 30 years ago that he wanted his inheritance early, and so he told my grandparents he wanted a store they owned on State Street in Salt Lake City. They gave him the store (which that and the property would now be worth well over a million dollars), and within two years, he had run it into the ground and sold it.

Fast forward to almost 10 years ago, when both my grandparents passed away. My grandpa called my mom, her sister, and her brother together and explained what everyone was going to get in the inheritance. He made it clear that my uncle had already received the largest portion of his, but he would still get some stuff. After my grandparents died, he got an attorney and fought to get more, and my mom and her sister ended up setlling with giving him more than he was supposed to get, but less than he felt entitled to.

After that, he told my mom and aunt that the only contact he wanted with them would be through his attorney. When my aunt passed away last year, nobody knew how to contact him, so he didn't find out his own sister was gone until over a month after her death, when some former neighbors offered their condolences, and he asked what for. Even still, when my sister saw him a few weeks later, he refused to give her contact information. Very sad.

My in-laws have still not settled the estate of my husband's grandfather, because they can't agree on who gets what. Everyone is worried that someone else will get more than they do, and we screwed things up by having four kids, because there are only 2 great-grandkids on the other side of the family (there were two kids, who each had two kids, but now we have 4 grandkids on this side and DH's cousin only has two). They have even split up the holidays, so that Christmas is my DH's aunt's holiday, and DH's dad gets Easter, etc.

There is no posession more important than family.

February 5th, 2007, 11:13am
I was the executor of my mother's estate. One of my brothers cornered me at the funeral to ask if we were going to meet with the attorney as soon as the service was over, another brother ended up having his attorney contact the one I was using for the estate settlement to threaten to sue me, and yet another brother would call me in the middle of the night, drunk, and start swearing at me. The brother that had been listed on her checking account (he lived at her house) cleaned out the account the day after she died so I had to use my own money to pay her bills. And that is just the beginning of the list. Oh, and I assure you, I handled everything fairly and exactly as it was supposed to be done. Never again, let someone else have the headache and heartache. :worry:

February 5th, 2007, 11:14am
I'm blessed that I have both of my parents still alive. They don't have any money.... I think "Inherited their debt and mess" should be an option in this poll. :worry:

February 5th, 2007, 11:19am
Nope. Nobody in my family's got squat!

DITTO! And even if they did have something, it didn't belong to me and if I were to end up with it I'd be greatful.

I watched my dads brothers and sister fight over their dads "money". When my grandma was alive and about 30 years ago they owned a nice hotel in Key West. They sold it for a nice profit sometime in the 80's and my grandpa partied all that money away. Grandma died in 1990 and what little he had left he bought a single wide trailor to live in. Then when he got too sick to care for himself my dads brother moved him to Texas to take care of him. Welllll, one weekend the brother drops him off at my dads so he and his wife can now care for him. They both had severe health problems and now were supposed to take care of this dying man. So grandpa passes in 1997 and they all go to war over the "money". And now none of them speak to each other ( my dad passed 2 years ago) and it's just so sad.

February 5th, 2007, 11:26am
Unfortunately, yes. Family inheritance seems to bring out the worst in some people! It sure brings out a persons' true colors! :frown3:

February 5th, 2007, 11:36am
I voted other. It's not anything that my siblings or I have had to deal with directly.

My DH's grandmother passed a couple of years ago. Before she passed, she was ill for a while and stayed with my FIL and MIL. (FIL was her younger son). She got better and lived with them for several years, with them driving her to regular dr appointments, caring for her, providing for her etc etc etc. Before she moved in with them, she had lived in the house she and her husband (who passed many years before I met DH) had had like forever. When she moved down with FIL and MIL, her older son, who has no kids, took over care of her house, but did not move in. He would cut the grass and check in on the house every couple of days, since he lived down the street, but that was about it. When it got close to her time, she decided she would rather pass in a nursing home near her house with her older son, rather than with FIL and MIL. So, FIL and MIL, did all the work to find the nursing home for her, set up all the insurance issue etc etc etc. In her will, she named her older son (DH's uncle, whom I have met three times, he has NEVER come down to visit, has no kids etc) as the executor. The will stated that each of them was supposed to get a specific amount, each of the grandchildren, (DH and his sister) were also supposed to get a very specific amount that had been set aside for them. Then after the house was sold and the car and such and that money used to pay off the medical bills etc, each of her son's were supposed to get a certain percentage of what was left, with her older son getting the larger percentage as "payment" for being the executor of the will. Well, after she passed, DH's uncle decided that the money that had been set aside for each person to receive before the bills were paid was to go to pay the bills and that he deserved a bigger percentage than what the will had decided. FIL and MIL didn't have the money for an attorney to fight him and didn't want to create more problems in the family (between her siblings and their children and grandchildren, who all argeed with DH's uncle) so they just let him basically walk all over them and take whatever he wanted. The whole thing really irritated me, but then I am just related by marriage and DH and I have only been married 5 years. It wasn't really the money itself that irritated me, rather the favoritism showed DH's uncle, dispite all the work and help that DH's parents gave her.

The only other time I have delt with it was when my mom's grandmother died. She had 8 childrent, my grandmother being the youngest. The oldest five basically cut the youngest three out of everything. I don't know all the details, but I know my grandmother hasn't been willing to speak with any of the older ones since.

February 5th, 2007, 11:42am
My parents are getting older-in their 80's. I pray they have just split everything 4 ways and not weigh the "who did more for them factor". Over the years we have all done a lot--different children at different times in their lives. For years it was me, then my sister, then another brother and now the other brother. Not by design--just the way things worked out in our lives.

I have no desire to compete or weigh the value or worth of any of our time to equate to a bigger portion of their estate.

February 5th, 2007, 11:52am
When my Grandmother died, she new it was coming. She had stomach cancer. She bought bonds for her 23 grandchildren and had her will made out to divide all of her money equally between her 7 children. She had sold her house years before and went to live with her doughter Char who had a disabled child and who go from house to house staying with all of her children for a few months at a time. Ahe would travel from Ohio to California to Georgia going where it was warm. When she became ill, she stayed with Char and Char took care of her. After the will was settled. All of the siblings took their share and gave it to Char because she had taken care of Grandma and they were mostly better off financially than Chars family anyway. Grandma wasn't rich. It wasn't a huge amount of money but people will fight over the littlest scraps. I am proud of how my mother's family handled it. As for the items in the house. Grandma had sold the house years before and gave everyone the items she wanted them to have or what they asked for. There was no fighting

My mother has already done her estate planning. All 6 of us siblings are aware of what the will says. We know that my sister and brother are executors. We all have good relationships. We trust each other and are friends. My brother is all ready recieving the house in trust a percentage per year so that he will not pay inheiritance tax. We recieve a portion of our inheiritance in trust each year to avoid taxes in the future. There is one antique chair that we all seem to like that masy cause a tiff but it wouldn't be anything that would break us apart or make us made for more than a minute. We will probably compromise and I have the chair for a year than the next sis then the next.

February 5th, 2007, 11:55am
What a wonderful statement! I am going to try to remember that.
Thank you for the wisdom--I've been so upset about this it was much needed. :gvibes:
you are so welcome Babyleaps,I am now 51 years old and the one thing I have learned in life if you let the ugly in your life it does change you.Glad to know someone read my input never know.Hey if ya ever need to vent just pm me we all need a little time to say things out loud that bother us I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful DH who always listen but rarely has any advice lets me fiqure out what I should do,and thats the hard part,and with my lack of sleep I always forget most of what I'm told I have a really hard time remembering names and who goes with what.My sleep is about 3 to 4 hours a night,need so much more.

February 5th, 2007, 11:57am
So much of this has to do with the family dynamics and the relationships themselves, more than the money...but the money plays a factor, too, of course, especially if there is a lot of it. Alot of the blame can really lie with the deceased relative, too...people really need to think long and hard about who they want to leave their possessions to and then GET A WILL.

February 5th, 2007, 12:14pm
No, not yet but I can see my SIL and I going to blows when it happens. SIL had a fit(to put it mildly) when my aunt sold my brother and I her 30 acres and house for $1.00. One less thing that she can get her hands on. My aunt wanted the house to stay in the family. SIL made a comment to her friend that my aunts house was going to be her's after my aunt passed. Word got back to my aunt and she nipped that problem in the bud. :laugh:

My mother has it set up that our inheritence is to stay in CD's for retirement(currently we co-own them with her). We will each have one due each month for us to live on since, according to her, social security will not be there then.

February 5th, 2007, 12:17pm
If have seen nice, loving family members get greedy over money/inheritance.

Saw that with both my dad and mom's side of the family.

Family members got mad at each other for what they felt was 'unfair' distribution of my grandparents' assets.

For me, I have always taken care of myself so I am not in the need of anyone else's money.

And I would not 'fight' over money, that's for sure.

February 5th, 2007, 12:25pm
We mostly wil have-to pay for the funeral and lot. Be happy you get something!!!

February 5th, 2007, 12:26pm
Mom is still around. Not looking forward to the day when this comes up! :frown3:

February 5th, 2007, 1:49pm
Haven't had to deal with that, knock on wood. When my dad died everything went to my mom. I hope she spends every last penny of what she has.

I can't imagine fighting over an inheritance. If someone that close to me passes away, I think I would have alot more on my mind. I certainly would like to have something that was special to them, a watch, bracelet, photos...something that meant alot to them.

February 5th, 2007, 1:59pm
My Aunt on my moms side, took the parents home tittle and checks to hold for hearing on Grandpa's estate. Then She went into hospital and died 20 hours after surgery. In recovery, my mom kindly asked for the paperwork so the other 3 Adult siblings could split the home properely. Their childhood home went to the Aunts two boys, age 19 and 17........They ruined the home. :mad2:

A 1951 Bungalo.

I would say this was poor planning and deaths that happend to close together.

February 5th, 2007, 2:01pm
inheritance? :laugh: nothing to inherit here except maybe a purple (yes folks, I said purple :worry: ) 1980 ford pinto. :bhead:

February 5th, 2007, 3:35pm
My great uncle and his wife had no children. She died roughly a year before him. When he did die, his will stated who got what. My granny got the bulk of the estate, since she was next of kin and his only surving sibling. He named names in the will, told who got what and why others didn't. My mother said it was quite a site in that attorney's office for the will reading. Cousins she hadn't seen in years, stomped out after they realized, that they weren't getting squat!!

February 6th, 2007, 2:28am
Haven't had to deal with that, knock on wood. When my dad died everything went to my mom. I hope she spends every last penny of what she has.

I can't imagine fighting over an inheritance. If someone that close to me passes away, I think I would have alot more on my mind. I certainly would like to have something that was special to them, a watch, bracelet, photos...something that meant alot to them.

Same here - when my father died, my mom switched into 'I'm saving money so you'll have something when I pass away' mode.

I pointed out to her that I will still travel after she has passed and invited her to spend her money in Vegas with us.....or when she passed, I would spend her money in Vegas without her!

Now we three (me, mom, DH) go to Vegas every year. :)

I tell her that she and my dad saved their money all their lives - it's time to spend it now.

I tease her and tell her to quit wasting 'my' money when she goes to the casino and loses. :laugh:

I see a lot of problems on Dh's side......we already have siblings not talking to each other. DH is the executor of both his parents' wills. They are divorced and remarried with half siblings thrown in. A couple of the siblings have been written out of the wills and they don't know it yet.

I dread that day. I told DH that we are hiring a lawyer first thing.

February 6th, 2007, 2:39am
Not been through this myself yet....

However, my mother-in-law and her only sister haven't spoken in over 20 years due to the way their mother's estate was handled at her death.

An uncle of mine has ostracized his only sister (my mother) and his parents after the way some land had been divided (that would be an inheritance of my grandfather - he is still living, however).

I think it's absolutely ridiculous to put "things" (monetary or otherwise) before family members/relationships. Very, very sad. :(

February 6th, 2007, 3:09am
I have not had to go through any of this yet, but for the most part I would think everything would go smoothly.

I mean, my Babci(grandmother) on my mom's side tells us to just go ahead and tell her if we want something. I asked about her recipes and she said my only older cousin had already asked for them. So I said ok Im going to make copies LOL.

When I told her I would love her china she wrote it in a little notebook. She said she is glad I asked first because I am the oldest female grandkid.

I can understand where there may be issues, there are 9 aunts and uncles. 7 grandkids, and my son is so far the only great grandchild, although Babci is in great health and my older cousin and his wife are trying diligently.

I guess it may be kinda lurid to some to discuss something like this before a loved one dies, but I think it is good. Less fighting because its already in writing.

On my father's side the family is smaller, but they also have a lot of old money. You can't really screw with old money in a sense. Plus my grandmother and great aunt (Only two grands, Great aunt never married) have been distributing funds for years. I get a heafty check for Xmas. And another for easter. IRS gifting untaxed.

My father and uncle (only two children, 4 grandchildren between the two) don't speak now anyway.

February 6th, 2007, 4:10am
I don't think there will be problems when my parents pass...We all get along fine and know what mom wants everyone to have..

Heck we've even teased her by going and putting post it notes on everything we wanted one year..(we still sometimes find post it notes..LOL)...:D..

I'm not sure about my hubs family??? I know when his grandmother died his aunt and father got nasty with stuff...I rolled my eyes a couple of times.

February 6th, 2007, 5:01am
OMG My idiot family has been fighting over my grandmother's money for years....and Grandma isn't even dead! My mother thinks my Aunt is sucking my Gramma dry because Gramma has lived with my Aunt since Grandpa died. Well that's not happening, Auntie has her own money, but even if it were, Auntie provides her with a loving beautiful home, and takes wonderful care of her. She is 86, and diabetic, she has to wear diapers . She has a lot of doctor's appointments ect ect. She's in the hospital right now because she fell last night and broke some ribs at 4am. And...well... my mother didn't take her to the hospital if you get my drift...

So Mom has totally lost her marbles anyway..mean drunken witch..she's got all my brothers pissed, and one of them even called Grandma and yelled at her for spending "HIS" inheritance! None of them will even talk to me because I don't share this insanity. Lol!! Poor Grandma, she's not happy about all this. I told her that it's HER money and she should spend it any way she sees fit. Acutally my son and I thought she should hire herself a cute little gigilo and go on a world tour.. or at least to Vegas.. but she didn't go for it...lol.

So that's my dysfunctional family. yee haw :bhead:

February 6th, 2007, 7:07am
When my mom died, she had three life insurance policies in my name. The reason in my name was because I was the youngest by 5 yrs and if she died when i was underage, she wanted to make sure there was money for my support. Anyways, i divided it three ways between my 2 brothers and me. No amount of money is worth my family.

Another thing she did that was really nice. She prepaid for her funeral, everything. The only thing we bought was her headstone.

February 6th, 2007, 8:07am
yep I got throw out of the will signed every Paper they sent me then they still wanted more a blank formed signed by me and my DH he refused because of it being blank.So when I called at Christmas my aunt told me I was no longer in my fathers will that I had been thrown out.Oh well I won't cry about it didn't have it so didn't lose anything.I refuse to let it affect me my dad has been gone now for 3 years and I still have memories.I must say though it hurt when I got nothing like personal items from him or my mom.Asked for something from my grandmothers house and only got a small Christmas ornament.Guess thats what I get for living so far away all the time DH is retired military so I had no choice.It's still ok love has nothing to do with things that are left they are all in my heart and that's all that matters and if I fight with them it would change who I'm am.

The only person who can disinherit you is the person making the will. If your father had a will and you were not specifically disinherited by name, you are entitlted to a portion of his estate, however large or small it may be. Even if he died without a will, as a child of his you are still entitled to a portion of the estate as provided by law. Unless some of those papers you signed were waiving your rights to inheritance, you have every right to demand your share.

February 6th, 2007, 8:19am
We do have a lot of brothers, sister, neices and nephews. That's why everything we own will be given to the Humane Socity. We don't want our relatives to fight and this way it will keep them all together even if it's to only talk about it when we are gone LOL.

February 6th, 2007, 8:26am
NO problems between my sister and I - when I executed my Mom and Dad's will. However my Mom's siblings had plently to say and the last 15 years have had a very fractured relationship. It bothers me because my Mom put her siblings forst in everything even before her own children, but not her grandchildren.

My husband on the other hand had one brother stop talking to him for over 12 years and the other just milked us for too long. Very sad the whole story :worry:

February 6th, 2007, 8:27am
Just a heads up from my husband (a retired attorney)...

A few years ago my parents, while making their will, asked my husband if he would be executor of their estate. Hubby declined, saying he had seen so much go awry with estate work that he wants zero involvement in any estate. So my brother-in-law (younger sister's hubby) has the dubious honor.

February 6th, 2007, 8:28am
I am an only child!!!
No problems, thank heavens!!!

February 6th, 2007, 11:19am
My sister and I bought a house a few years ago. We sold Mom's house and she moved in with us. The house money went into here savings account.

When Mom died last year, her only assets were the bank accounts which were in my name as well as hers. Her will didn't have to go through probate because she didn't have any other assets.

I divided the money up just as the will dictated. $1000 to a sister in law, my late brother's share divided up between his children, my late sister's share divided up between her chidren, my surviving brother and sister got their own shares. It was a little less than $100,000 plus what was in the credit union. However she had told me years before she got really sick that the credit union money was mine, so I kept that.

If there were any complaints, I didn't hear them. Everyone knew that legally I could have just kept the money to myself. That's what Mom had been telling me to do the past few years of taking care of her. If I had kept the money, I probably would have never heard the end of it from my brother and sister. That's a fight that I didn't want and could do without.

February 6th, 2007, 11:38am
So much of this has to do with the family dynamics and the relationships themselves, more than the money...but the money plays a factor, too, of course, especially if there is a lot of it. Alot of the blame can really lie with the deceased relative, too...people really need to think long and hard about who they want to leave their possessions to and then GET A WILL.

Yea, my father had a will....he left everything to his LIVE-IN GIRLFRIEND. In the will he just said that for me, my sister & brother, he left "his love". What a crock! The message was loud and clear; he treated us like crap when he was alive and just needed to get that final dig in after he was dead. Money was his god.

All I felt after he was dead was relief.

February 6th, 2007, 11:43am
I answered nope it hasn't happened yet, but when the time comes I know there are gonna be problems. :worry:

My youngest brother is very materialistic. He wanted to buy my parent's farm a few years back. It wasn't even for sale. He had been renting it & farming it. When my parents refused to sell it to him, he got mad & quit renting it. (He had another full time job too.) My parents had no problem renting the land to one of their neighbors at considerably more than what they were renting it to my brother. He got mad, especially at my dad, saying that they always took advantage of him. (Whoa, now wait a minute! Who's taking advantage of who?!!!!) Even though this happened three or four years ago, he still barely speaks to my dad, although he will speak to mom. He even hunts on the property but doesn't bother to stop in & see my parents.

One of my other brothers says that he doesn't even want him to have it after my parents pass away because he knows other family members will not be allowed to hunt on it, which is probably true.

I just know there's gonna be trouble. Sometimes I wonder if he is really my brother, he's not like the rest of us, maybe he was switched at birth at the hospital...... lol

February 6th, 2007, 11:45am
I never have gottne why people feel they are entitled to someone else's money and things.....

It's nice when somone remembers you and thinks enough of you to leave you something..

But noone DESERVES something that belongs to somone else....

For all of those people who thing they are 'entitled' to their parents, or other relatives things....I hope their parents and relatives go on huge shopping sprees and blow it all on themselves or leave it to a church, or charity.

February 6th, 2007, 12:01pm
I hope to not have to think about anything like this for many, many years.
But, one thing I know for sure is none of it will be easy with the way things are now.
I can only hope that everyone will behave.

February 6th, 2007, 12:04pm
And still going thru it.. It really stinks.... Don't ever want to go thru it again... My hubbys father passed away it will be 6 years in June,,, And OMG what He!! to pay and still paying. the arguments, the lies, The Flat Out Bull Crap.. Now when My Mom passed away which will be 5 years ago on Feb 15th. she took care of everything her self Between my one brother and two other sisters there was not a problem whats so ever..

February 6th, 2007, 12:13pm
Our mother died in 2001 at age 61 less than two years after our brother died of brain cancer at age 27. Needless to say we'd been through enough when both grandmothers died right before Christmas 2005.

My mother was survived by both her younger brothers (ages 60ish). After she died her youngest brother took our grandmother back in to redo her will. Dividing her estate to include both myself and my brother. 1/3rd, which would have gone to our mother had she still been with us was now split between my brother and I. Seemed on the up and up and very fair to both of us since we hadn't expected anything to be honest. Her estate ON PAPER was just over 10 grand which we both found odd, very odd. How in the world would she have been able to continue to live in her condo on social security and such a small amt. of worth? She lived pretty high on the hog I will add.

So months go by and out of the blue we both get a copy of more funds that were distributed between the two brothers. This time just over 100 grand. ??????????? My brother called me immediately and asked what the hell? The younger brother in 2001 had his name added to Grandma's stock thus being co-owner. It had taken this amt. of time for all of those stocks to be sold and cashed out. We assume that these monies were then divided between the two brothers. I can't imagine the other brother letting this amt. slide right into the hands of little brother. We also assume that the attny. made a HUGE error in sending both of us a copy of this obviously HIDDEN distribution.

So we were now faced with what to do if anything. We are talking 33% of 100 grand that should have gone to our mother if she were living or divided up between my brother and myself as per her will. I thought about it for a long time. My brother thought about it too. We decided to let KARMA take it's course and let the money go. We were both beyond sick at heart over all the deaths and mentally and emotionally to tired to deal with Uncles that would PULL this on their own family.

10 weeks ago I got a call from the older brother's wife. Our uncle had a heart attack. Almost died. Had to have numerous by-pass surgery. Would be down and out for months. Christmas was ruined.... blah blah blah... KARMA... it's a bitch.

February 6th, 2007, 12:15pm
No but we haven't lost anyone with anything worth it.
I know someone that had big problems. THey were even fighting qbout who got the plastic butter bowls..plain old empty plastic butter bowls. People are nuts.

February 6th, 2007, 12:30pm
My MIL had a ton of very expensive jewelry (she worked at a jewelers) , & my DH's sisters fought terribly over every piece!! :worry:

February 6th, 2007, 12:33pm
Nope. Nobody in my family's got squat!

same here; it is senseless to fight over zero dollars! :laugh:

February 6th, 2007, 12:50pm
Well, Dh and I are caregivers, accountant, power of attorney and all to my old Dad but when Mom passed in '96 I have one LUNATIC sister that has been diagnosed with mental problems, especially "Hording?" She would sell her own eye teeth to be able to buy some useless trinket and stash it in her attic where her husband finally found her stash.

She was the eldest and should have been the one to step up to care for our parents and no one could understand at the time (before we knew she was sick) why she was so violently angry at Dad and Mom putting me and my DH in charge since I am the baby.

We think my old sister wanted to put Dad somewhere cheap and sell off his home so she could spend more on hording.

She had her attic stuffed with bags and boxes and 5 christmas trees she got off sale, and even made false entries into her families checking account book, but her husband who is a cop found the stuff in the attic and talked to the bank and she had spent almost all of his retirement saving on junk.
She got to spend 2 weeks in a nut house as per her doctors orders being evaluated.

She dog cussed me and my DH and even our Dad out because her hording sickness was making her so greedy. She was like a heroin addict looking for more money to spend.
I hope she gets better, Dad had to put a bond on her so she can't come around.

My other sis is on SSI and happy with her small life and is too afraid to inherit much because it might mess her SSI qualification up.

February 6th, 2007, 12:56pm
Luckily my parents are still alive and they have a nice nest egg that the four kids tell them to use! And they do - we all live in different parts of the country and they like to travel a bit. They also love to take us all out for nice dinners when we visit and they even took us all on a cruise once. They deserve it...my dad was VERY FRUGAL for so long because he wanted to send us to private schools and to college - he worked for the gov't so he didn't make a ton - he was just a good saver and investor. We really want them to enjoy their money now and not leave it for us! It is theirs and as much as I could use it for my kids education - forget it...I'd rather make memories with them while they are alive!

As far as the belongings in the house - my mom has listed the things that people want or she wants us to have and honestly the rest will probably be sold. None of us will fight - we are all educated, smart and have what we need (well my SIL probably will fight for something and she can have it) - they have really nice things but we will miss them sooo much more than having the things. My parents always ask - what do you want? I hate that question because then I have to think about them dying.

My in-laws have nothing!!!!

February 6th, 2007, 12:57pm
When dh's mom passed away a couple years back, the inheritance was a 50/50 spli between him and his sister. BUT, sil told dh she didn't want to be bothered with the details of the real estate sale, and for him and their uncle (who was the executor) to handle that. When they did just that, sil freaked out and denied ever having said that. She put all the blame on dh and me (why me I have no idea, I wasn't involved) and didn't take any issue with their uncle who was the executor.

After that she also made some nasty accusations against dh and me, particularly ME, even though I've only met her twice in my life. She said all kinds of nasty things, like I ruined dh's life and how he "married his mother" (WTF??) and how I was a coward. None of it made ANY sense whatsoever, she hadn't even really talked to dh much over the past 15 years and she certainly doesn't know what goes on in our life. She used to do this type of thing to their mother all the time and we were never sure who to believe. Apparently his mom was right about it and since she is now gone we get the brunt of her craziness. Too bad for her, I definitely hold a grudge and she better not ever call this house again unless she intends to apologize. I feel sorry for her, I think she has mental issues.... :worry:

February 8th, 2007, 12:21am
Same here - when my father died, my mom switched into 'I'm saving money so you'll have something when I pass away' mode.

I pointed out to her that I will still travel after she has passed and invited her to spend her money in Vegas with us.....or when she passed, I would spend her money in Vegas without her!

Now we three (me, mom, DH) go to Vegas every year. :)

I tell her that she and my dad saved their money all their lives - it's time to spend it now.

I tease her and tell her to quit wasting 'my' money when she goes to the casino and loses. :laugh:


Brialliant--good for you!
My grandmother told me once that she couldnt take a trip with me because she would be spending my parents inheritance. I looked her in the eye and asked her if she was dead yet. She giggled, said no, and we went on our trip :laugh:

February 8th, 2007, 12:24am
I personally have not been through this yet. It's sad that people fight and/or are greedy with a beloved family members belongings.

February 8th, 2007, 12:29am
same here; it is senseless to fight over zero dollars! :laugh:

My sisters issues arent about cash, but about things.

February 19th, 2007, 9:10pm
My husband's grandmother died last summer and has a fairly sizable inheritance for family members. Since my husband's mother died a few years ago, her inheritance was to go to her sons and they were each to get about $20,000. However, an old Danish law is giving 40% of the money to my father-in-law, so my husband and his brothers are a little ticked off. My father-in-law is well off financially anyway, so they're not sure why he accepted the money.

I reminded my husband that any money will be a real blessing for us anyway, so he'll still receive a nice little chunk of money this spring.

February 19th, 2007, 9:19pm
I'm an only child :cheer7: :cheer7:. I get the house and the pug and the cat and everything else

I'm confused. I thought you had a sister? :confused: If not, i may be thinking of someone else and apologize.

February 19th, 2007, 9:48pm
When my grandma passed, my cousin went right to the nursing home and pilfered through grandmas things, fortuneately my aunts showed up and stopped her from getting alot of granmas things. Not that it was worth alot , just sentimental things. My cousin was more than pissed she didnt get alot of things she wanted. My cousin also went thru her mothers (my aunt) things when she passed. She had more control over that situation but I still got what my aunt wanted me to have, my aunt knew she couldnt trust her own child so she gave me several things before she passed. I think that is SAD. People are nuts when it comes to cash/assets.

February 19th, 2007, 9:53pm
At my Dad's funeral last year my 2 sisters and I got a huge suprise when a man showed up claiming to be our half brother my Dad had when he was a teenager. The next day as we were cleaning out his house my two sisters wanted to give this guy some things like a computer. My Dad had quiet a few debts and I thought we should make sure those were paid and make sure this guy really was our brother before we gave him anything.

My sisters said they decided to him some things because they belived him after called my Uncle who confirmed my Dad did have a son when he was a teenager (and had married the mother). My Dad didn't want us to every find out. I was mad they decided to give this man some items without asking me too. My Dad didn't leave a will so we were just going to divide everything between us girls. These items weren't worth a lot of money but it was the principal of it. They called me greedy but I was just being cautious. My DH and kids and I left town without helping with the estate sale. One sister is still talking to me but the other I haven't talked to in a year. She thinks I should apoligize and I feel she should.

February 19th, 2007, 9:57pm
I haven't had the problem but my mom was shafted by her sister. both my mom and aunt were on my grandmas checking account about a week b4 my grandma died my aunt took 30k out of my grandmas account and when she died she took another 27k then when my grandmas cd's matured she took them 50k even tho my mom had advised the bank not to give them to her the woman who was in charge of this at the bank and was on to my aunt was off the day they matured my mom called that day but my aunt had already done her deed, she also cleaned out my grandmas house of anything of value - wicked woman.
So now my mom has dementia and is in nursing home she should have had money to take care of herself in her old age and she doesn't she ended up getting about 14k out of over 100k that was suppose to be split equally between her and her sister according to the will but since they were both on the accounts as "or" my aunt had the right to take $$ out my mom was devastated that her sister did that to her this was in 1995 and they havent spoken since then. they abandoned the house and my mom paid taxes for awhile then sold it for 5k (in little town in OK) and my aunt had the nerve to write her and ask for her half of the sale of the house -she didn't get it - I hope karma gets my aunt good. I have sisters who make really good $$ so they take care of my moms bills - but still sad and I usually don't wish ill of people :frown7:

February 19th, 2007, 10:18pm
I am an only child and I hope I inherit nothing! I have no relationship with my mom and want nothing to do with her and her estate.

My dad..I hope he and my step mom spend every last penny and then some before they leave this Earth!

I have half siblings from my dads previous marriage - I do not want to deal with a will. I have told him to leave me nothing but his memory.

February 19th, 2007, 10:35pm
My brothers have never really gotten along, a lot of sibling rivalry there. I was sort of in the middle, as I got along ok with both of them. I live a long long way from home, 1200 miles. One brother lived about 20 miles from my folk, and the other about 250. After my Mom passed, the closer brother basically took over looking after my Dad, who was a fairly demanding man. Could not understand why my brother couldn't swing by 2 or 3 times a week on his way home from work. (my dad lived about 10 miles south of work, and my brother lived about 20 miles north, so it was by no means "on the way") None the less he did his best for years. Unfortunately the final time my dad went to the hospital, my brother was on a weeks vacation, and not reachable. I got a call from his neighbor and talked to the paramedics and then tried to keep on top of thing from so far away, not dreaming that he would die. My 250 mile brother said he couldn't get time off work. (He cuts grass for a golf course) My father passed away, in the hospital, alone. Then the fun began. All the stuff was left to my 20 mile brother as it had been for years. I was co-executor and whenever he wanted to do something, I gave him carte blanche. The 250 mile brother was convinced from the beginning that the 20 mile brother and I were in cahoots to rip him off of his rightful share! He wanted to make lists so we could divide the treasures equally. I finally told him he could have all my share of junk, all I wanted was some photo albums. So he arrived in a pick up truck and carted off everything with any remote value..English china, silver galore, all inherited from my mom's mom, my family wasn't well to do. He had already emptied my mothers jewel box when she died. He complained bitterly when my brother hired painters to get the house ready for sale, wanted to know why he couldn't do it himself..it went on and on. I think he still believes to this day that my 20 mile brother and I have a secret stash of money that we stole from him.
He has never spoken to me or my brother since I told him he was being a jerk. I signed over my executor per diem to the brother doing all the work, seemed only fair.
It was a fiasco, over mere money!!
But at least I still have one brother, but the 250 mile brother is now an orphan in this world by his own choice.

February 19th, 2007, 10:52pm
My siblings and my mother's So cleaned my mother out before she became very ill. My dad had paid off the house, car, etc before he passed away in 1982. He also left mom a $100,000 life insurance policy. That, his pension of almost a $1000 mo and his social security should have let her live a very nice comfortable life.

My dad wasn't even buried when my sibling two years older than me started bleeding mom for money. Within a year she had bled mom for over $75,000. My mom also was a bad spender and was always buying clothes (never wearing them) and giving money away.

Then she met someone in 1987 and he spent her money and ran up debts in her name. When mom became very ill, no one wanted to take care of her but me. I felt it was the right thing for me to do even though mom was broke. No one pitched in.

I purchased the house from mom in 1985 and she bought a mobile. Later I was selling the house and she asked if she could rent it from me. I let her and it was destroyed by her SO. It took me over six months to clean and repair the house to make it fit to live in. I spent over $30,000 in repairs including having the gut the back bathroom.

I finally sold it in 2003.

I started a long eight years of taking care of mom with the last four years of her being bedridden. No one would help. Not even buy diapers.

I had to put her in a home but was there every day and night. When mom passed, all siblings, long lost neices/nephews, etc were sending me "I love you" cards and asking if they could help. I said no.

Later my brother and sisters asked for some of the house money - never mind it was mine. They said because mom was in it for those last years, it was hers. (?) Of course this was a far fetched way of trying to get money.

Mom had a will but in it she explained where all the money went. She said there was nothing left. It was signed by three people and notorized. Yet they still fought and now none of us speak.

Mom had no possessions left worth anything. Her SO left town when she was on life support and took all her jewelry, guns, etc and the detectives wouldn't do anything unless mom pressed charges (she later regretted it). I paid for her funeral.

The same thing happened in mom's family. Her mom died and there was a huge fight over the estate. My aunt who has since passed did everything by the book but they sent her awful letters. I have copies of those. She was the only one who understood what I was going through.

I see if coming in DH's family. His youngest sister is a controlling bad mouth who already is trying to get her name on the house. It's so sad.

February 19th, 2007, 11:13pm
My Mother passed away. Me and my sisters have always gotten along well and love each other. Everything went smoothly and everthing was divided up evenly. I count it as a blessing. I wish it could be that way for everybody.


February 19th, 2007, 11:24pm
inheritance? :laugh: nothing to inherit here except maybe a purple (yes folks, I said purple :worry: ) 1980 ford pinto. :bhead:

We are wondering how we are going to pay to bury some of the relatives.

Not much of any distributions in my family at all.

February 19th, 2007, 11:39pm
My mother and step father had a joint will that stated that when they died the estate would be divided between me, my siblings and my step sister. Well, my mom died first and my step-sister saw to it that my step dad change the will immediately so that we would not get any of the estate. He died this past spring (5 years after my mom) and we received absolutely nothing.

My mom and step dad were married for 24 years. He didn't even have the decency to put a grave stone on my moms grave when she died. He had plenty of money to do it, but his daughter never liked my mom and pretty much controlled her dad after my mom passed. My mom is buried in an unmarked grave because we haven't had enough money to buy a head stone. Honestly, that is the only thing I wanted from him/the estate.

February 20th, 2007, 12:07am
Unfortunately yes. My father died in 1985 leaving no will. I was 16 at the time thank goodness for some archaic Texas law a homestead cannot be sold if it is a minor's primary residence.My 3 step-sisters tried getting the house to be sold to leave my mother and I high and dry.
When my father-in-law passed away all freakin hell broke loose.
He had a will but didn't have three pieces of property listed in it. This was what it listed
Vehicle -to son , Dining room set-good daughter#1, wedding rings set -good daughter #2 these where all valued at about the same dollar amt 10k .
Bad daughter-tv lamp maybe$25 yes twenty-five .
His damn property was valued over $200K. He passed away in 1991 the last I heard was they are still fighting 15 yrs later. I divorced the son in 1998.

The fights I witnessed over this were unbelievable. Every family get-together became a knockdown drag out.
That evil ass man got the last laugh .I hope rotting in hell is worth it. At the time of his death the kids ages were 29 28 19 and 18 . The 19yr old was supposedly the bad one. This incident really screwed up the younger two the only "normal" one out of the bunch is my sister in law whose 44.

February 20th, 2007, 12:15am
IT's ashame that this happens but, it's usually the person that dies FAULT as they don't plan for their death. I won't do that to my family....would YOU!

:goofy2: :bhead:

February 20th, 2007, 12:46am
My MIL has dementia but is still living at home. She has 3 children. I can see the sharks starting to circle already. My SIL has already asked what I would like for our son, so I told her and I got the responce "well my son was already promised that and since he's older and has known her longer..." hmmm Why did you ask?? MInd you it was a bedspread that she made, not a pricey item. They all have her kids names on them already I'm sure. One of her neices has become very interested in what will become of her. It's a bad sign...

February 20th, 2007, 12:48am
Everyone should have a good will set up by an attorney who does nothing but estate planning. When my ex's grandma dieds about 30 years ago I can remember walking into her LR and seeing her 2 sons dumping the change out of her change purse and making little piles to make sure it was even. Ex's mother was named executrix and her brothers tried to have her declared incompetent becasue they did not want her getting the 2% executor fee.
She's a better woman than i becasue she was able to forgive and now laughs about it. I would have had em both strung up.

February 20th, 2007, 12:58am
Yes, and it wasnt pretty.

My mother and I were never close and my grandmother and father raised me until I was 11. Though I loved them both there was always a part of me that thought they only did it for I was their grandchild and it wasnt that they really loved me. As teenager when I was with my mother and things went bad fast they always sided with her and I thought that proves it, it wasnt that they loved me so much they wanted me with them it was that they loved my mother so much they put up with me. After two years with my mother I so wanted to go back to them but was convinced they wouldnt want me and stuck it out with my mother until the courts put me in foster care from her abuse. Still my grandparents want me to forgive her and I loved them so much I would have done anything to do what I though was making them love me.
After my grandfather died my grandmother became obsessed with death and one of her favorite things to say was when I die this right here is going to be yours. I always laughed at her and said I didnt want a thing except for her good green dishes for they would always remind me of her.
When she died it was just my mother and me and my son left and I thought for sure my mother was getting everything for that was just how I thought and truely I didnt care for I had memories and figured she would leave me a few thousand bucks or more to the point leave a few for my son whom she adored. We were called in for a reading of the will and truth be told I didnt think they would really be anything since she was in a home for so long and a good one at that but there was.
When the lawyer read the will she had left everything 50/50 between me and my mother. Everything! I almost died right there on the spot for it hit me right in the face that she thought of me as her child and not some unwanted grandchild. My mother was livid and freaked out huge and it got really bad to be near her but my grandmother was a smart woman and left a clause that whomever does not agree with her will would be cut out completely. We were sent home while they put it all together and there was the matter of liquadating her house and items in it and converting everything to cash and my mother wore me down. She flat out told me she deserved the house and money and my grandmother had already done to much for me in life and it was even worse since we were both living in her house at the moment for I had just sold mine and had planned on moving out of state when she passed and my mother had rented hers out and was lving there to take care of my grandmothers ( so she said but the truth was as long as she lived in that house my grandmother paid her house payments and she still collected rent)
After two weeks we had to meet with the lawyer again and by that time I was a wreck and told the lawyer I contested the will so he needed to cut me out so my mother would get everything and I would not have to deal with her any more. He said it wasnt up to me to make that choice it was up to my grandmothers executure to decided and he was an old family friend and he told her to deal with it. My mother shut down and refused to be a part of anything and the rules were we had to agree on all the contents of the house and what was going to be done with them and had a year to either divide it up, sell it or give it away before the house was to be sold and in that time it needed to be cleared and empty
Now my grandmother was a pack rat, and so was my grandfather and they had just sold a summer home a few years before so there were two homes worth of items and she also collected antiques and had a ton of them and my mother refused to agree on anything at all and I even went so far as to tell her to have every single content in the house other than my grandfathers gold watch ( for my son) and the green dishes and since she didnt not get everything she still refused for she wanted the house itself. I told the lawyer she could have it and he said no it was written in stone that it was to be sold.
To make a long story short I could not take anything without her permission and she would not give it so when we left a year later every item other than the watch and dishes and some jewlery my mother took was still in there. My mother had trashed the house so its value was gone and I would say that therre were easyly 50 grand worth of antques in that house and the house itself should have sold for 160 thousand but in its condition sold for a 100 flat. I had to pay to move my mothers items out for she sat on her bed moving day and refused to help and I had to make her sit in a chair while I had her bed moved then we left the house together to turn over the keys so she could see I didnt take anything. It was the saddest thing i ever saw and I wish to this day the lawyer would have just let her have it for maybe some day I would have some of my grandmothers things but I know in my heart it was my grandmothers way of letting me know I was her daughter too and even though she could not tell me that in life she told me in passing.