Caution, Adult topic!

[swstmama]

This is just a question don't want flamed, but I have a 12 yr old dd and caught her "exploring her body" so to speak and i'm just curious as to what age did you "explore yourself" and learn about pleasure? not sure how to take this situation so I am just going to get her a book from the library that deals with puberty. tried to get her to read it last year but she totally ignored it.

[ey_re]

Just have a talk with her. Explain that it is very normal behavior, but there is a time and place for it. If she isn't doing it in public, I see no problem with it.

I know an NP who told a teenage boy "It's normal, just don't get caught!" And that was sufficient for him.

[MistyNoMore]

In class I learned that age 3-5 they actually do quite a lot. Then, cool it down until age 10 or so, again. That seems to be the norm.

[salymsmommy]

Just don't make her think that it's dirty or shamefull. It's totally natural, everybody does it, just keep it private!

[mrsmariahc]

:laugh: Not that this is a funny subject, but this was on HOUSE the other night. It was a younger girl, maybe 4 or 5. The mom thought the little girl was having seizures in the car seat, and he figured out right away what she was really doing.

I think it's normal. My best friend teaches kindergarten and she has had LOTS of girls who have done this in the classroom. I would just talk to her about it and tell her it's normal, but to be done in private.

[leightley3]

my boys explore their body I told them only in the bathroom with that and that is where they do that.

I was a late bloomer did not even go thru the womans curse till I was almost 16. I could not tell you what age I was when I first "explored" it was at least 7th grade at the eariliest. My mom talked with me and said that if I wanted to "explore" by myself it was ok but if I wanted to with others I was to talk with her first.. I was ok with that.

[swstmama]

I'll talk to her about it later....right now she is upset I caught her. she was taking a bath and I had to use the bathroom. Its not like I tried to sneak in either I make a lot of noise when I know she is taking a bath.

[KathyG_NC]

Yup - She's at the age where privacy becomes very important. I suggest next time you knock and get her permission to enter the bathroom or her bedroom when she is in there. It's natural at her age to be curious. I've always been of the mind, if they are old enough to ask then they are old enough to know the truth. Maybe not all the details but certainly the basics. My DD was like me a started her period early - I used that time to give her the basics about babies, etc.

I'm sure she will settle down soon enough. You may want to start with a apology for walking in like that. And let her know that if she has any questions to come to you for the answers. Let her know there is nothing the two of you can't talk about.

Good Luck! She's a lucky girl - it's obvious her mommy cares a lot about her. :hugs:

[Defenderofthefaith]

I grew up Roman Catholic and was taught that touching yourself was dirty. I didn't do that until I was with my first husband--and an adult. But my boys do that all the time... :)

[Jerrysgirl]

I haven't yet..... :rofl3: :razz: :laugh:

[Poopie_doos]

When I was a kid my mother had the whole "roman catholic" talk with me of how it's a mortal sin and I would go to hell. I spent the rest of my teen years crying at night absolutely sure I was going to hell. :frown3:

[swstmama]

thanks sweepbee!! I'm wanting my kids to be safe in this world and one of the best ways is to be informed. I let her and my ds know that I am always there for them and that they can ask any questions. my mom wasn't as open so I kind of learned on my own and I don't want my kids to mess up by not knowing. thankfully I didn't mess up too bad on my own!

[ironbutterfly]

When I was a kid my mother had the whole "roman catholic" talk with me of how it's a mortal sin and I would go to hell. I spent the rest of my teen years crying at night absolutely sure I was going to hell. :frown3:


OMG that is sooooooooo traumatic :frown3: As a rebel in 9 years of catholic school( k-8), I did almost every book report blah blah blah, from 6th grade on, about birth control, sexuality and STD's among teens, you name it. If it would make a nun blush, I wrote it with relish :laugh:

I can't say I never discussed it with my parents, but I knew inherently it was a natural and wonderful thing to enjoy when I was by myself :gvibes:

[fuschiamoon]

I'll talk to her about it later....right now she is upset I caught her. she was taking a bath and I had to use the bathroom. Its not like I tried to sneak in either I make a lot of noise when I know she is taking a bath.


Don't you think she might be a little old for you to walk into the bathroom when she's taking a bath and use the bathroom? I think when she has recovered from her embarrassment, you should apologize for invading her privacy and assure her that it is perfectly normal behavior that she should not be ashamed of. :)

[bayyore]

Don't you think she might be a little old for you to walk into the bathroom when she's taking a bath and use the bathroom? I think when she has recovered from her embarrassment, you should apologize for invading her privacy and assure her that it is perfectly normal behavior that she should not be ashamed of. :)

Yup--I think she needs a little more privacy at 12. Just assure her she's normal and she is---she has all those hormones buzzing around now! And to answer your orignal question I was 12! :laugh:

[VALENTINE]

I am pretty sure I was younger then 12. Maybe around 8-10 yrs old.
Mom said loudly in a stressed voice, "WHAT are you doing!" I said, "Just looking", she said ok it's your body, but make sure you keep it washed. (Thank goodness was mom was clean freak more than anything else.) :laugh: She closed my bedroom door and went away.
Of course I did have two older sisters that mom had previously experianced that same senario with before me so I am sure she expected me to get to that stage just like my sisters did.

[Jellenholder]

I just made a thread similar to this in the parenting forum. My son turned 10 a few months ago and we discovered that he had discovered himself. From what I have been told the age of 12 is perfectly normal in fact a lot of kids start sooner than that so dont be alarmed.

[Tobytob]

My niece is ten and already wants lots more privacy. It's perfectly natural. I think that it's sad that some people grow up feeling so guilty about it.

[NinePoint]

I remember that I was around 10, and was receiving a lot of privacy, then again, I was actually at home with my mom when she "caught" my brother, needless to say, I'm sure my father had a talk with him along the lines of it's natural and the necessity of privacy. Personally I never received a talk about it being right, wrong, or natural, but I always figured it was pretty natural and I didn't worry much about it.

As far as my own children are concerned, I'll try to utilize my own experience. A fair amount of privacy (especially in the bathroom) if I were to walk-in on accident or see excessive signs I would simply tell them it was a natural thing to be curious and there was no harm in self-exploration.

Frankly, just a simple talk and don't worry about it. Oh yeah, and in my opinion, the two of you don't really need to be sharing a bathroom at the same time anymore, just a thought.

[daisy3600]

Do you mean explore 'looking' or explore 'masterbating'?

I think the looking, like witha mirror so see what's really down there is normal and most every girl does it. If it was looing, pleasuring herself, I never even knew women did that until I was about 23 years old.


Of course, it's a different world now a days. Girls are doing things I never tried 10 - 15 years earlier than I ever thought about doing them.

[tamiwami]

Yup--I think she needs a little more privacy at 12. Just assure her she's normal and she is---she has all those hormones buzzing around now! And to answer your orignal question I was 12! :laugh:


I think you should knock before entering a bathroom where a 12 year old is taking a bath. My son is 12 and NO WAY would I walk in on him. Just for the fact that he's too old for me to be seeing him naked (and it doesn't matter that he's a boy or not).

[KAnthony25]

I would have to say I didn't take on option B until I was around 18 or so... I guess I just didn't really know about it. Most of my girlfriends never talked about it, and I didn't actually become sexually active until I was in my twenties. Go figure what a good porn flick will teach you!! :laugh:

I think the best path by far is to ask her if she wants to talk about it first. If she says no, than leave it alone. She's probably already done some research of her own. Kids are sexually savvy these days, and she may have already heard about it on the web, from friends, or from books at the library or a friend's house. I would think it would be mortifying to have to "re-live" the moment if a discussion isn't necessary.

I would definitely give it a cooling off period. Invading a pre-teen's space is the end of the world in their mind. It's the most violation that they've probably ever experienced (thank God) and it's really traumatic to them right now.

Act as though it happened, but remind her that you're there if she wants to talk about it. Just casually. Don't barge in and say "hey.. I saw what you were doing the other day, and I want to talk". You have to give teens the option to speak up if they want to, and if they don't... they will eventually come to you should questions arise.

If it's only the "exploration" portion of the equation, than nothing really needs to be done about it, in my opinion. It's something that every woman must do, and we have to find out on our own. No book, parent or friend is going to be able to truly "help" unless we bust out the mirror and head south for ourselves. Discovering your body is definitely a private matter, and shouldn't be infringed upon by anyone.

That's just my two cents. I have wonderful parents that were so respectful of my privacy, and they had some of the most amazing parenting tactics. I'm still fairly young, so I remember quite a bit of my teen years, and how I felt. :)