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View Full Version : When is it time to cut a family member out of your life?


Micheleisme
August 24th, 2005, 3:01pm
Without telling my entire family history I am about to cut someone out of my life completely to save my sanity and most importantly to keep my kids safe. This is not the first time I have had to do this. I only have 2 family members left that I talk to one of which is my sister. So how far does a family member need to go to make you say thats enough.

lynnandmichelle
August 24th, 2005, 3:19pm
well, my advice is this. If whatever it is, is interfering with the safety of your children, it's definitely time to cut them out of your life. My children and their safety come first. No matter what. I don't know how bad it is, so from what you said, that's the only advice I can give you right now.

Micheleisme
August 24th, 2005, 3:21pm
well, my advice is this. If whatever it is, is interfering with the safety of your children, it's definitely time to cut them out of your life. My children and their safety come first. No matter what. I don't know how bad it is, so from what you said, that's the only advice I can give you right now.


My kids arent in any physical danger but I just dont want them to see the things that I have seen.

TheLioness729
August 24th, 2005, 3:21pm
well, my advice is this. If whatever it is, is interfering with the safety of your children, it's definitely time to cut them out of your life. My children and their safety come first. No matter what. I don't know how bad it is, so from what you said, that's the only advice I can give you right now.

I agree. I have had to cut certain family members out for certain reasons, and my life is better for it. Some people are just poison, and it does not matter if they are family or not IMHO.

Best wishes in this tough decision.

:gvibes:

wildbirds
August 24th, 2005, 3:42pm
Sounds like you've answered your own question. And it sounds like you've had enough.

Hope it goes ok and the way you want it too.

ANGEL
August 24th, 2005, 3:45pm
My kids arent in any physical danger but I just dont want them to see the things that I have seen.


So sorry sweetie!

Does this person realize what s/he's doing to your kids(in what they have to see)? Does she enjoy them? Does she have any compassion left? Any feeling of self-worth? Does the person want help and is willing to look for it?

If there is nothing left...then maybe distance is the best solution...knowing that your children may miss out on something that "should be" a positive in their lives...maybe it is for the best until s/he is able and willing to get the help they need to become a whole person again or at least to reconnect as a compassionate human being and having the desire to be whole.

Maybe a face to face sit down is needed with your family member? Explaining your feelings of what you want in a relationship for the future not a continuation of the past? Maybe even going to counseling with them?

Life is short....but not at the expense of your children...

:hugs:

Debbie

Globug_47
August 24th, 2005, 4:06pm
:supstar:

I cut some of my family off before. I didn't talk to my Father for almost 9 years because he drove me crazy and never had a kind word to say. It was hard but I knew if I didn't do it that I would go crazy and end up hating him.

We now talk at least once week and he knows the ground rules..... 1) don't call me up just to complain to me about any and everything, 2) don't ask me what's going on in my life if you're going to be judgemental and 3) if you don't have anything nice to say.... don't dial my number!

Now, I don't know whats going on in your situation, but if it was anyone else (other than a family member), would you hesitate to cut them off at the knees and put some distance between you? I think that it's sad that we think just because we're related to these people, that we can't cut them out of our lives. You don't have to do it permanently...... just until you feel that they can have contact with you and your family on your terms. If they can't abide by your terms..... then do what you have to. Save your sanilty, yourself and your family by any means possible.

I'm living proof that you can do it and be successful. I now have a good relationship with my Father and he abides by the rules now. I wish you much luck Michele.... I know that it's not an easy thing to have to do. It hurts like hell and I understand. If you ever need an ear, feel free to PM me.

TinyMoMo
August 24th, 2005, 4:50pm
I have cut many toxic people from my life.

Sometimes, it's gotta be done.

jofo3511
August 24th, 2005, 4:51pm
You and GinGin need to take care of yourselves & your children first. WHATEVER it takes -just do it. :)

wrdes
August 24th, 2005, 4:54pm
Been there. Done that. NO regrets for more than 20 years.

leightley3
August 24th, 2005, 5:06pm
my kids only see the ex jailbirds at family functions like reunions. places i know that are safe for their eyes and ears.

remember those are YOUR kids so YOU set the rules and YOU do what ever you need.

AlliesMom
August 24th, 2005, 7:10pm
I've been around long enough to know your family situation and how hard you have tried with them. But only you know when enough is enough. But we all trust your judgement. Your a mom of two babies now, and your doing great! Talk with DH and together you will make the right decision for you both! Don't sweat it tho, most ppl on here can attest (and have) sometimes it has to be done. GL Michele! :gvibes:

SeaAngel
August 24th, 2005, 7:12pm
I never thought I would have the guts to do it, but I finally cut all ties with my brother and severely restricted contact with two of my sisters just this past year. I had put up with a lot of crap from them for most of my life, but their greedy & deceitful behavior after my mom died pushed me past my limit. At first I felt guilty, but that was quickly overshadowed by a sense of freedom, relief and control over my own life. I feel it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
:jump:

elainmir
August 24th, 2005, 8:09pm
Only you know what kind of junk you've put up with, but suffice it to say if you believe its detrimental to you and your kids then cut them off. No where does it say because your related to someone you have to continue to accept their behavior. I have relatives I feel the same way about. I have relatives that Springer would pay to have on his show! When they argue and fight my kids freak out, they dont see stuff like that so I inform them politely that they are affecting others around them and if they continue I have left. Its gotten to the point that I don't speak to my dad hardly as his behavior is unacceptable. Go with your heart girl, you know whats right. :gvibes: