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Marianne o5
August 19th, 2005, 12:55pm
Grown children who sponge off their parents is a pet peeve of mine. Those of you who read my "Compulsive Hoaders" will remember that I mentioned that the grown children of my 82 year old neighbor sponge off him. He has four grown children and as far as I can tell, only one is a fairly decent, responsible son. The one divorced daughter seems to go through a couple of jobs a year- when she's working. She once went through almost a year without a job and a mortgage to pay. Guess who supported her? Her boss is always an a$$hole who doesn't appreciate her and picks on her. My neighbor said he sends her $500.00 every month- plus he takes care of "emergencies" that come up. The other two sons (unmarried) regularly call up with sob stories like they don't have money to pay this month's rent, can't pay the monthly storage fees on junk they have in storage units, they're always sick and need money for the doctor, had things stolen and need them replaced, can't get paid for work they've done (they are both free lance handy men), got evicted and need money to move and rent a new place, (it's never their fault), cars are broken down and need repairs so they can get to work, etc, etc. There's no end to the sob stories they feed this old fellow to get money out of him. They keep him worried half to death. This just makes me so angry. I would be ASHAMED! I can't say anything much, but I think he should just let them sink or swim. They are all grown men and women.
What is your opinion on this? Do you know situations like this and what if anything has been done about it?

salymsmommy
August 19th, 2005, 1:03pm
Youngest step-son will be 19 next month. Doesn't have a job because he "doesn't want to". Momma buys him everything he wants. Wrecked his brothers car (who is in Iraq) to the point it isn't even drivable anymore. Dropped out of school at 16. Oh, borrowed $ from us to go to a job in Florida. We told him to pay us back from his 1st check and then we would send the $ right back to him. Just wanted him to have the responisbility of actually having to pay someone for something. We never saw the $ and never will. Yea, he's a sponge, but he's all his momma's doing. She never told him no. :worry:

skpaw
August 19th, 2005, 1:03pm
As long as Dad will hand over the cash, they will continue to take it. He is the only one who can decide to make changes though. :frown3:

AlwaysLate
August 19th, 2005, 1:04pm
It's one thing to send money occasionally. My mom sent me $400 so I could get new glasses(hadn't seen an eye doctor in ten years), but she did it on her own I didn't ask for it.(though I did hint a little). But $500 a month is ridiculous.

Sounds like these folks are nothing but mooches. He needs to let them sink in my opinion. Tell 'em there's no more money and that if they don't get off their asses and become responsible he's going to change his will to give whatever is left to charity instead of them. Otherwise they're going to bleed him dry.

Nickyle
August 19th, 2005, 1:08pm
While the situation is sad what these grown children are doing to their Dad...he has allowed it to happen. It is a hard thing to be a parent. Do you let your children 'sink or swim', do you give them that 'tough love', or do you reach out and do all you can for them? Have you lived near him long? Why I ask is maybe you don't know their family history, how was Mom with them? How were they raised? Too many unanswered family questions. BUT on the other hand these are grown adults with minds of their own now and should be responsible for their own, sure emergencies come up but not EVERY month, week, day, etc...

jjarvis
August 19th, 2005, 1:32pm
I totally agree that sponging off parents is irresponsible and immature. I am 25 and have basically been living away from home since my 18th birthday. I attended college for 2 years, worked for the Dept of Homeland Security, and currently work as a railroad clerk for CSX Transportation. I bought my first house in March. I believe I have only asked my father for money twice, at about $100 each time in the last 5 years. I have friends older than me whose parents pay for their cars and insurance and have second jobs just to support them. I have one friend who is 26 and whose mom says he is not allowed to drive to the city where I live to visit because she pays for the car! I would never expect my parents to do that. It is ridiculous and sad that parents to not have the intelligence to foster independence within their children. :worry:

Susan
August 19th, 2005, 1:33pm
One of my nephews is constantly "borrowing" money from family members. A couple of weeks ago, his grandfather sent him money so he could travel home to his great grandmother's funeral (he asked for the $$), and he didn't even go! Nor did he send back the money. He told my sister - his mom - that he had already spent it!!!!

He called me this week to ask me to co-sign a loan for him. I didn't laugh, but I wanted to.

Oh and it was a loan for a HOUSE! :rofl2:

Me - I never asked for money from my parents. They said I could live at home as long as I wanted to, but once I moved out - that was it. If I thought I could support myself on my own, then I better do just that. No asking for money, moving back home, etc. There were times I had my water shut off, ate spam from the can, etc. but I never asked for help. Thank goodness for good parenting - I have a great husband, some great stepkids, a job and a home I love and did it all on my own!

onanite
August 19th, 2005, 1:49pm
Grown children who sponge off their parents is a pet peeve of mine. ....
What is your opinion on this? Do you know situations like this and what if anything has been done about it?

You seem to be a bit of a busy-body. It would appear to me to be their own business, why are you so "concerned?"

:sherlock:

Mark

Defenderofthefaith
August 19th, 2005, 1:51pm
This is one of my pet peeves too! I do agree it is the parent that allows it. I already told my sons about what I expect from them as adults--and will continue to do so. My MIL lets her soon to be 30 year old son mooch off of her--I will NEVER allow that kind of crap to go on here! Over 18--time for you to be the man! Oh, I have nothing against helping out ONCE IN A WHILE--but every day, week, month--no way! OK--I am stepping down from the :soapbox: now :laugh:

luckysarah
August 19th, 2005, 2:03pm
While the situation is sad what these grown children are doing to their Dad...he has allowed it to happen. It is a hard thing to be a parent. Do you let your children 'sink or swim', do you give them that 'tough love', or do you reach out and do all you can for them? Have you lived near him long? Why I ask is maybe you don't know their family history, how was Mom with them? How were they raised? Too many unanswered family questions. BUT on the other hand these are grown adults with minds of their own now and should be responsible for their own, sure emergencies come up but not EVERY month, week, day, etc...


I have to agree with Nickyle, while I don't like people purposely mooching from their family, every situation is different.
I know I wouldn't let my grown children sink if I could help them even if I thought they were mooching too much. I'd probably talk to them but still help them too.

melalyssa
August 19th, 2005, 2:06pm
You seem to be a bit of a busy-body. It would appear to me to be their own business, why are you so "concerned?"

:sherlock:

Mark

I think she is just expressing her concern for her neighbor that she watches out for. Not sure why that means she's a "busy body". Seems like nothing other than geniune "concern".

That is definently a pet peeve of mine also. I know alot of people that are the same way. My ex was that way. His parents totally allowed it. He would use their credit cards for stupid things like appliances or stereos. Totally against my wishes, of course. I have only borrowed on a couple occasions. Like when I needed to move or something and payday was like 2 days away. Never for an extended time or for something stupid. I HATE owing people money and if I can't get it on my own then I'm not gettin' it!

Marianne o5
August 19th, 2005, 2:08pm
While the situation is sad what these grown children are doing to their Dad...he has allowed it to happen. It is a hard thing to be a parent. Do you let your children 'sink or swim', do you give them that 'tough love', or do you reach out and do all you can for them? Have you lived near him long? Why I ask is maybe you don't know their family history, how was Mom with them? How were they raised? Too many unanswered family questions. BUT on the other hand these are grown adults with minds of their own now and should be responsible for their own, sure emergencies come up but not EVERY month, week, day, etc...
I've been a neighbor of his for about five years. When I first met him, the wife was iill and in the hospital. She passed away without my getting to know what she was like, really.
I did gather, from personal observation, that she was very demanding with the old fellow and with the hospital personnel. The son who lives overseas said that during the two years of the wife's illness, the husband was a virtual slave. The daughter and the two sons here seem to have had a fanatical devotion to her.

NascarFan
August 19th, 2005, 2:23pm
I have a similar situation going on in my neighborhood. In fact, we call the parents "the enablers". Oh, I could tell you stories, but it would take me all day. Here's a little of what goes on.

They have a 25 year old son living with them. 2 years ago he was at a bar with some friends. They were out in his car snorting coke and the county narcotics agency busted him. He ended up spending around 3 or 4 months in jail. The day before he got out dh and I saw the father outside washing the kid's car and cleaning the inside for him. What a nice welcome home he had waiting for him LOL. I talked to the mother after the kid got busted and they are blaming a friend or friends that supposedly SET HIM UP. WTF? Set up or not, their kid had a drug problem that they refused to face and he WAS breaking the law when he got caught. He's been going to NA meetings ever since, but I did hear he fell off the wagon once, so who really knows what's going on. The kid rarely works these days and is still living with mommy and daddy. I could go on and on.....

This same neighbor also has a married 32 year old son. The mother washes and irons his dress shirts for work on a weekly basis. I've never seen anyone baby adult children the way these people do. :laugh:

Marianne o5
August 19th, 2005, 2:29pm
You seem to be a bit of a busy-body. It would appear to me to be their own business, why are you so "concerned?"

:sherlock:

Mark

I really feel sorry for the old fellow. When I go over to his house to help with the house work and see about him, he seems so sad and worried at times. I don't make a practice of giving him advice or try to interfere. I just try to keep him company a little and cheer him up. As a nurse, I have seen how a lot of our elderly are treated by their children and it really makes me angry. So many elderly are just warehoused until they die. Never mind the sacrifices they made for their children, they're in the way now and the children don't have time for them. I have seen a lot of elderly people in the hospital on their death bed, and the kids are standing around arguing about who's going to get what. Shameful.
And it's shameful that grown, able bodied adults prey on their elderly parents!

maningrida
August 19th, 2005, 2:38pm
One reaps what one sows -- and continues to sow and sow and sow.

JANNET168
August 19th, 2005, 2:40pm
I SAY SINK THEM SINK THEM SINK THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT A LOSER THEY ARE NO WONDEDR THE US ECONOMY ARE IN SUCH A BIG BAD HOLE(JUST kIDDING).

RainGypsy
August 19th, 2005, 2:41pm
I think for the most part, adults who want and need to sponge off their parents are just doing what they have always done, and what their parents have encouraged and enabled them to do after years of babying and spoiling.

Nickyle
August 19th, 2005, 2:51pm
A lot of you know that I have been having a hard time with my 14 year old daughter. A few weeks ago my sister told me while we were in conversation "The fastest way to lose a friend is to tell them how to raise their children", I agree. Not everyone raises their children the same, what you do as a parent is not what another parent would do, there is no parenting handbook, we do the best we can and hope they grow up to be good citizens, some do, some don't, it is not always the parents to blame (but it sometimes is). I understand your concern for the Dad but it is up to him to make a change, all you can do is be supportive, telling him to tell his children to 'sink or swim' will do no good and might ruin the neighbor relationship you have. There are just all kinds of people in this world and alot of greed. Money does terrible things to people.

Lacey888
August 19th, 2005, 2:56pm
It sounds like it isn't your business and if you are there to clean you should just do it and go! The child of an 80+ year old man should be 45 to 60 years + old unless he was out running aroung with young women. As such if they can't work or are ill that should get social security, welfare, food stamps or whatever else that they can get!

You seem to be under the misconception that good deeds have good rewards and you could not be more wrong. Good deeds make people greedy and the more you give the more they want. Maybe they don't like you around and want to get his money so he won't die and leave it to you or some other stranger.

:mad2:

In sum, it is his family and he should give them whatever he wants them to have AS LONG AS he is not going broke or starving by doing so. :rolleyes:

KathyG_NC
August 19th, 2005, 2:58pm
My situation is the reverse... I give and give and give till it actually hurts to my mama, I'm mid 40's now and it's still never enough!! Every time we talk, she guilt's me into something else!! :frown3: I don't really mind helping now and then, but I'm the youngest of 5, yet I'm the one she always comes to. I guess I should be happy that she can count on me when she is in need.... but after 30 years, it's getting to be a bit of a drain. :worry:

Because of this, I have never asked family to help me out! I pray that I never need to! :gvibes:

melodyca
August 19th, 2005, 3:05pm
The only time I lived at home briefly when I was 23 was because I moved out of the apartment I was sharing with my roommates and that was because they could NEVER pay their share of the rent on time and it was me who always had to deal with the landlord. One day I could NOT take it anymore, told the landlord who was VERY understanding. I packed up all my belongings and left.

I lived at home for 6 months and I paid my Dad $600 a month for expenses even though he said I didnt have to. After that Six months, I found a nice apartment where the landlord was a cat lover and she let me have my cat and I lived ALONE.

I recently read an article where it stated 45% of adult between the ages of 23-32 are living with their parents and its most due to the difficulty of finding affordable housing.

ladcraig
August 19th, 2005, 3:21pm
You hit on one of my biggest pet peeves, too. My husband was raised to be responsible and to take care of all of his needs. His younger sister (by 12 years) was raised exactly the opposite. For one thing, she has a different dad and he spoils her rotten. She is now 24 and back home - and like Bill Cosby says, she brought more home with her. She now has a little baby girl. Other than having a baby, I don't see any big difference in my sister-in-law. She's still immature, selfish, and emotional. She is the original "drama queen." She works, but doesn't contribute anything to the household. And she's on public assistance. But to hear her tell it, the whole world is out to get her. She recently gave the Wal-Mart photographer a sob story (she's always got one handy) and they gave her her baby's pictures for free. I about lost it at Christmastime when she screamed at her dad to come and change the baby's diaper. And she asked her mom why she hadn't washed the baby's bottles. They have let her back in their home and are taking care of the baby and that's how she treats them? Anyway, I do blame the parents. They allow her to get away with her nonsense and always have. She has so much potential and has had many opportunities but has squandered them all. For example, they put her through nursing school (LPN) and she won't even bother to take the state boards. Am I jealous? Maybe a little. I never had the same kind of family support that she has had. But if I did, I would have appreciated it and shown more respect.

akiss
August 19th, 2005, 3:30pm
We have one of those in my IN-laws family. He lives in there rental house for free. Mom gives him $100 a week for spending money ( we know she gives him more) He does not have a job. They pay for his insurance ( And it was expensive since all of the tickets he has. Anything something breaks on his car he demands money to fix it. He just had his license taken away for DWI. FIL is on vacation and my BIL was told he was not allowed at the house. Well a hidden camers showed he was there. And to top it off he put the riding lawnmower in a really steep ditch and took dads car. His friggen license is suspended. Nothing is ever his fault. He got in a accident 2 onth after he was cited for DWI. He locked himself in the car and called MOMMY since he "Claimed" the cops were harassing him. The stories go on and on. I feel sorry for my FIL. I think when they come back from vacation there is going to be a big fight betwin him and my step-mother in law.

vossart2000
August 19th, 2005, 3:43pm
It is one of my peeves also. I have a brother and a sister that my Dad gives into all the time. My other sister and I just shake our heads.

As for those who say mind your own business - Wouldn't the world be a sad place if no one cared for each other? I like to know what is going on in my neighborhood. Like the lady her in Missouri who found out she has a sex offender living next door that isn't registered. Give the lady a break.

darkeyedcajungrl
August 19th, 2005, 3:45pm
What about parents that sponge off their kids?

jklkj
August 19th, 2005, 5:55pm
He is an enabler yes. It is nice that you are a good friend to him.
When I'm having feelings with situations like this I remember the serenity prayer.
"God help me to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

DANIELLERX
August 19th, 2005, 5:58pm
my brother is... drive me crazy. If my mom and dad would tell him no he might actually find a job and be responsible

DeniseL
August 19th, 2005, 6:04pm
Why is it that when Seniors are scammed by shady people we are outraged, but when their own children are using them it's ok? <~~I'm not saying that everyone is saying this but enough to make me wonder. The guy is in his eighties, I would call it abuse. My grandma is is 82 and she volunteers with other elderly people- I'm not kidding, mostly younger than her. She drives them to doctor appointments etc. Anyhow, one of the ladies she helps has an abusive son that sponges off of her- she is afraid of him. She had a restraining order on him but let it expire because of the guilt she feels. It's just as abusive for a grown man to sponge off of his elderly parents as it is some Nigerian scammer. Just my opinion.

Defenderofthefaith
August 19th, 2005, 6:08pm
Why is it that when Seniors are scammed by shady people we are outraged, but when their own children are using them it's ok? <~~I'm not saying that everyone is saying this but enough to make me wonder. The guy is in his eighties, I would call it abuse. My grandma is is 82 and she volunteers with other elderly people- I'm not kidding, mostly younger than her. She drives them to doctor appointments etc. Anyhow, one of the ladies she helps has an abusive son that sponges off of her- she is afraid of him. She had a restraining order on him but let it expire because of the guilt she feels. It's just as abusive for a grown man to sponge off of his elderly parents as it is some Nigerian scammer. Just my opinion.
What an excellent post!

JORDANSGRAM
August 19th, 2005, 6:19pm
My situation is the reverse... I give and give and give till it actually hurts to my mama, I'm mid 40's now and it's still never enough!! Every time we talk, she guilt's me into something else!! :frown3: I don't really mind helping now and then, but I'm the youngest of 5, yet I'm the one she always comes to. I guess I should be happy that she can count on me when she is in need.... but after 30 years, it's getting to be a bit of a drain. :worry:

Because of this, I have never asked family to help me out! I pray that I never need to! :gvibes:




I was in same situation with my inlaws every week its we dont have food, we need money....when i was working i was taking food and money all the time....then seen brother in law and asked why they couldnt help.......come to find out she had $5,000.00 in the bank that she didnt want to spend in case of a rainy day.....here we where barley getting bills paid so they didnt go hungry..........her sons (my hubby) birthday is today do you even think she called him.......all we ever hear is that the kids are suspose to take care of the parents...i am willing to help but dont take advantage of me

Jinxed One
August 19th, 2005, 6:20pm
i guess in away i am one of those grown children who "sponge" off my parents :laugh: , but my parents encourage me to stay,give me money,etc. i think they do it because they dont want to be away from my son/their grandson. he's been here since birth- 4years old now.
anytime i talk of moving away they get mad at me. eventually i will have to go, just not anytime soon i know. im 21 now- it helps living with them as a single mom whose trying to get off her feet, i dont really have to worry about rent etc.

jofo3511
August 19th, 2005, 6:22pm
My step-daughters a sponge. But its her parents fault. They are both a$$hats.

Hubbys the worse. A few weeks ago he tried to get her health insurance when she told him she wasn't returning to school. She is 20. I said "Oh , you worry about her but the hell with your other 4". He said he was being responsible. :rolleyes: .

He's responsible my a$$ .

gattor11
August 19th, 2005, 6:27pm
It sounds like it isn't your business and if you are there to clean you should just do it and go! The child of an 80+ year old man should be 45 to 60 years + old unless he was out running aroung with young women. As such if they can't work or are ill that should get social security, welfare, food stamps or whatever else that they can get!

You seem to be under the misconception that good deeds have good rewards and you could not be more wrong. Good deeds make people greedy and the more you give the more they want. Maybe they don't like you around and want to get his money so he won't die and leave it to you or some other stranger.

:mad2:

In sum, it is his family and he should give them whatever he wants them to have AS LONG AS he is not going broke or starving by doing so. :rolleyes:


Well I do not think that was deserved. I am doubting that the poster is trying to steal money from this gentleman, I think that she is just voicing her concern. :frown3: I also do not agree that good deeds make others greedy. Whatever is given to me I try to give back two fold! I think this post was rude and just plain ugly!! :frown3:
I know a lot of people who mooch, and I agree I think it comes from how they were raised. My stepsister is sooooo spoiled, and when she moves out of my dad's house she will be lost. I grew up valuing money, especially my own and I am happy that I was not given everything on a silver platter.

Jinxed One
August 19th, 2005, 6:34pm
I grew up valuing money, especially my own and I am happy that I was not given everything on a silver platter.

i wish my parents wouldve raised me that way, they hand me money like it was candy or something, since i was a latchkey kid on a military base. especially my dad, ive never really had to work hard at anything.
they would take care of all of my problems. financial/legal(a whole nother story) :laugh:
ive only had 1 real job in my life and it didnt last long because i got tired with it :rolleyes:
im working on being more independent but when youve grown up a certain way all your life it is hard to change those habits. i still ask my dad for $ occasionally, but ive cut down on my asking a bit :laugh: taking babysteps

kimkij
August 19th, 2005, 6:54pm
I have been in the sponge mode. I want to get self-sufficient but it seems like I can't. It is true, sometimes the parents "help" the grown person sponge just to keep them home. My counselor and I have talked about this. I pay my bills but I have to use their money for every day essentials. I try to get ahead but then I get a bill, like this month, for $211 for the kids health insurance. I have to pay that. So much for paying off the doctor bill that was $1250 two years ago and is down to $425. I also am trying to pay for my own attorney's fees. My parents have paid for them in the past - because of my kids and besides, they were affected, too.
I started doing this one job on an independent basis. Well, I was being jerked around by them. I think they knew I needed the job. I don't need it enough to be taken advantage of.

I am working with the department of rehabilitation. Since I just graduated from my ultrasound program, the counselor there is trying to find me a paid internship. That would help tremendously. Right now, I volunteer my time once a week downtown. I don't mind volunteering but it is expensive to go downtown. Every Friday, it costs me $20 to volunteer at the clinic.

I pay child support. I even owe for the time I was out of work after I had my second breakdown. My ex threatened me with contempt of court and jail if I didn't pay $2000. I had to pay it from a loan I have. I now have a loan that is $4700 at 30% interest. At $175 per month, $110 of that is interest. I took out the loan so I wouldn't borrow from my parents.

I have absolutely no extra money. When my car broke down, I had to let my parents pay for it. My car was my link to work. When the computer broke down, they had to pay for it, too. That is another link to work.

My counselor realizes that to get my clinical hours I have to do it full time for a year. I was trying to work and get my clinicals this time last year. I had to be up at 6am to get to the hospital by 8 to leave there by 4 to get to work by five to leave by 2am. I am manic depressive. I can't go without sleep or it will cause me to have a breakdown. That is what happened. I had to choose one or the other - work or clinicals - and with the threat of contempt charges and jail, I went with work to pay child support. I was still in the downward spiral. I was on the wrong medication ( I had just changed it with doctors consideration ) and the next thing I knew I was having a breakdown. I was in the hospital for 5 days. After I came out, I needed time to get better. I couldn't think straight. That happens after you have a breakdown.

I am fine now. I am back on the original medication and I am in counseling. My parents are afraid that I will have another breakdown which is why I think they don't push me to leave. My mom, especially, worries about me. I wish I were more independent, but having an illness like mine means sometimes you live with your parents or you live on the street.

I really think that you can't judge a situation from the outside. There may be things going on about which you are unaware. For all you know, he was a father who never paid child support and he feels that he owes them now. There could be many explanations for his behavior but whatever the real one is, it is his and he doesn't need to justify his life to you or anybody.

bdc63
August 19th, 2005, 6:55pm
Ahh ... to have been born in the 80's ... the "me" generation ... no 9-to-5 jobs for them (too restrictive) ... besides, mom and dad will help out if they're in financial trouble ... "It's just money"

I was just born a couple of decades too early.

stah
August 19th, 2005, 7:01pm
Life is short. If he wants to give 'em money, so what. Myself, I would rather watch my money making someone's life better than having them wait til I died to get it. Ever think of it that way? Also it is the tie that binds in some cases.

Light474
August 19th, 2005, 7:04pm
Ahh ... to have been born in the 80's ... the "me" generation ... no 9-to-5 jobs for them (too restrictive) ... besides, mom and dad will help out if they're in financial trouble ... "It's just money"

I was just born a couple of decades too early.

Not all of the "me" generation are sponging off their parents. I'm 23 and live with my mom. I work full time and go to school full time. I pay for college and my own bills. I just live with my mom. Not that I don't feel like a loser living with my mom I just can't afford to live anywhere else because all my money goes to college.

paris626
August 19th, 2005, 7:10pm
What about parents that sponge off their kids?


this is what happening with my dh parents :worry:

THey paid for 18 years now it's your turn to pay" :rolleyes:
They have this attitude it makes me crazy

"how about we pay to raise our two boys and you pay for your own stuff"

THey are bad when we go out to eat "well your buying cause you make more money than we do" NOT :shocked2:
That put an end to dining with them :nana:

I think it stinks when adult children take advantage of their parents
but then again someone thought them to be that way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

varkjie
August 19th, 2005, 7:10pm
my bro and my aunt sap off of my father and they make me sick!!!! my aunt is over 50 years and begs her younger brother for money all the time, and stupid bro went to college for 8 years and is flat broke with a french degree :worry: I am ashamed to call them family :worry: :worry:

tamster34
August 19th, 2005, 7:48pm
My brother is 32 & has been living off his girlfriends family for about 12 years. His girlfriend just recently started working (!) & can now pay their car payment. Brother can't keep a job because everyone else is a jerk, no on works like he does, etc.....It's always a toss up whether he'll get fired or walk out in a huff.
I can't tell you how many times the girlfriends mother has paid his bills & co signed for him.

I just don't get it.

Marianne o5
August 19th, 2005, 10:49pm
Well I do not think that was deserved. I am doubting that the poster is trying to steal money from this gentleman, I think that she is just voicing her concern. :frown3: I also do not agree that good deeds make others greedy. Whatever is given to me I try to give back two fold! I think this post was rude and just plain ugly!! :frown3:
I know a lot of people who mooch, and I agree I think it comes from how they were raised. My stepsister is sooooo spoiled, and when she moves out of my dad's house she will be lost. I grew up valuing money, especially my own and I am happy that I was not given everything on a silver platter.

People who posted things like that probably have a little guilt thing going. Maybe it hit too close to home? I have never expected or wanted anything in return from this old fellow for looking out for him and helping him out a bit. I don't need it. As a nurse, I have come to love the elderly and feel so sorry for the way some of them are treated. I will go out of my way to help them anyway I can.

luckylady1744
August 19th, 2005, 11:08pm
I want my son to sponge off of us! He's 21 and going to college studying criminal justice. I felt so bad for him today because he had to shell out over $200 to get his car fixed. We could have helped him out with part of it but he wouldn't have it. He does know that if he needs us we are here for him. I guess some of us are just very, very lucky to have good kids. Oh and he works for us full time in the family business too. Don't mean to brag, I'll get off my :soapbox: now, sorry.

Marianne o5
August 19th, 2005, 11:55pm
I want my son to sponge off of us! He's 21 and going to college studying criminal justice. I felt so bad for him today because he had to shell out over $200 to get his car fixed. We could have helped him out with part of it but he wouldn't have it. He does know that if he needs us we are here for him. I guess some of us are just very, very lucky to have good kids. Oh and he works for us full time in the family business too. Don't mean to brag, I'll get off my :soapbox: now, sorry.

You are justifiably proud of your son. Good job, mom.

Lacey888
August 20th, 2005, 12:19am
Well I do not think that was deserved. I am doubting that the poster is trying to steal money from this gentleman, I think that she is just voicing her concern. :frown3: I also do not agree that good deeds make others greedy. Whatever is given to me I try to give back two fold! I think this post was rude and just plain ugly!! :frown3:
I know a lot of people who mooch, and I agree I think it comes from how they were raised. My stepsister is sooooo spoiled, and when she moves out of my dad's house she will be lost. I grew up valuing money, especially my own and I am happy that I was not given everything on a silver platter.


I didn't accuse her of stealing. I stated the fact that she shoud do what she is hired to do and mind her own business! You don't know WHY he helps his children and it is not for her to know or comment on unless he asked for her opinion. Hardwork and good deeds DON'T always bring good results. If you are raising children you had better teach them that liars and thieves do prevail in a money hungry society such as this one. :nana: The fairytale of truth and justice being the American way is BS just ask the fellow that was lied on and just got out of prison after 20 years. Why, dirty cops in that case.

The bottom line is that she should mind her business UNLESS he/they are asking her to chip in. If his kid were low down the would ship him off to a retirement home and take the money now. I worked and didn't get help even with college not one book, so maybe he is making up for something.

It doesn't touch a cord in the mooching sense it is just disturbing that a person would be all up in a strangers business like that. It is a damn shame.

Marianne o5
August 20th, 2005, 12:29am
I didn't accuse her of stealing. I stated the fact that she shoud do what she is hired to do and mind her own business! You don't know WHY he helps his children and it is not for her to know or comment on unless he asked for her opinion. Hardwork and good deeds DON'T always bring good results. If you are raising children you had better teach them that liars and thieves do prevail in a money hungry society such as this one. :nana: The fairytale of truth and justice being the American way is BS just ask the fellow that was lied on and just got out of prison after 20 years. Why, dirty cops in that case.

The bottom line is that she should mind her business UNLESS he/they are asking her to chip in. If his kid were low down the would ship him off to a retirement home and take the money now. I worked and didn't get help even with college not one book, so maybe he is making up for something.

It doesn't touch a cord in the mooching sense it is just disturbing that a person would be all up in a strangers business like that. It is a damn shame.

I am not "hired" to do anything for this elderly man. I volunteer. He is my neighbor. I look out for him and help him because he needs it. He is alone and he is lonely. His kids don't come around- just call him up to ask for money. I ask nothing in return. I expect nothing in return. I don't tell him what to do. I just try to be supportive, help with the housework and try to cheer him up. This is called love and concern for your fellow man. If you cannot understand this, then I feel sorry for you.

mamafairal
August 20th, 2005, 12:47am
marianne~ Be the good neighbor and keep and eye on this man...your a good friend to have

grandma44
August 20th, 2005, 12:55am
Marianne - your neighbor is very fortunate to have such a caring friend who looks in on him and helps him out!! :) :cool2:

Kathleenob
August 20th, 2005, 1:14am
It sounds like it isn't your business and if you are there to clean you should just do it and go! The child of an 80+ year old man should be 45 to 60 years + old unless he was out running aroung with young women. As such if they can't work or are ill that should get social security, welfare, food stamps or whatever else that they can get!

You seem to be under the misconception that good deeds have good rewards and you could not be more wrong. Good deeds make people greedy and the more you give the more they want. Maybe they don't like you around and want to get his money so he won't die and leave it to you or some other stranger.

:mad2:

In sum, it is his family and he should give them whatever he wants them to have AS LONG AS he is not going broke or starving by doing so. :rolleyes:

She is a neighhbor. She HELPS the man by cleaning up a bit. She isn't his maid.

I guess this is what someone without empathy and compassion sounds like. :worry:

You are very wrong about good deeds, and it seems that you have some issues, judging from the fact that you can't just let go of the whole signature thing.

jenninshelby
August 20th, 2005, 1:23am
I think some blame must be placed on parents in cases like this. I mean nobody is putting a gun to their head and making them give over money, home, etc.. Enabling (Sp? Or is that ever a word?) can be just as bad.......

denileni
August 20th, 2005, 1:32am
My WORST nightmare. I know a few men, who are babies of the family, who are still living at home--well into their late 30's!

I have told my kids that they will have to move out when they turn 18 unless they go to college in town--then they can stay. Truthfully I would want them to stay longer, but I know it is best for their own character to have them live on their own.

tupik3702
August 20th, 2005, 1:44am
Let's put the shoe on the other foot.... Questions to ponder.....
1. Maybe the old guy likes to be needed.
2. Maybe the old guy enjoys all the attention ( small price to pay for being loved...many pay lots more)
3. Why not allow the family to take an advantage of you. It's better than a stranger.
4. Not that long ago many different ethnic groups had a pecking order. The older person taking care of the younger until the younger became the older. (What goes around comes around)
5. Maybe the old guy made these people and continued to keep them totally dysfunctional.
6. Maybe the old guy loves to help out and the exchange for him is something to talk about with his neighbors.
7. Besides, it's only money...everthing is relative......
8. Some people show their degree of love by loaning money to family. Sons and Daughters less than the grandkids however the nephews get less than the siblings.
9. Maybe the old person suffers from guilt and needs to loan money to feel better about himself.
10.Maybe the old guy has more money than Bill Gates and money has no value to him except for pocket change. :sherlock:

CathyVeester
August 20th, 2005, 1:45am
I am not "hired" to do anything for this elderly man. I volunteer. He is my neighbor. I look out for him and help him because he needs it. He is alone and he is lonely. His kids don't come around- just call him up to ask for money. I ask nothing in return. I expect nothing in return. I don't tell him what to do. I just try to be supportive, help with the housework and try to cheer him up. This is called love and concern for your fellow man. If you cannot understand this, then I feel sorry for you.

Marianne, you sound like a very caring neighbor.

Luvdawgs
August 20th, 2005, 1:53am
Marianne, I can understand why this is a pet peeve of yours. A really good friend of
my husband's and mine has 2 adult children, ages 25 and 29. They are like leaches, and
even though they have well-paying jobs, are always mooching from our friend. Our friend
is divorced, and his wife encourages the children to be moochers like she is. It's a
shame, and makes me so angry!

In case anyone's wondering, our friend has a good heart, too good! The kids never
even offer to pay him back. He's too nice to stand up to his X.

chilizilla
August 20th, 2005, 1:55am
I have a younger brother who was always babied. My mom moved out when I was 17 with him and left me on my own so he could get away from "the bad crowd". He never had to work, drove her, she gave him money all the time and even bought his cigarettes! She co-signed car loans which he never paid and she had to. I could go on and on. I never got any help, then again I didn't ask her because I knew she couldn't do anything anyway since she was always helping him. He was lost when she died. But he married someone who picked up where she left off.
My dad won't help my brother or myself period. If I was a veteran buddy of his or he could gain brownie points then that is another story. He is extremely selfish and self centered. He has more money than he knows what to do with, yet he is always "broke". He spends an average of $100 on scratch off lottery tickets PER DAY. He is constantly winning at slots, lotteries (he won $40K recently), etc. I once asked him for $20.00, yes only $20.00, to buy some groceries until I got paid and I would pay him back on my payday and he said that he couldn't help me. He told me I should budget my money better! I do pretty darn good considering I'm a single parent and really not much outside help. I put myself thru school because neither one of my parents who fill out the financial aid forms "because it wouldn't do any good".
Well enough venting!
Since I never had help, I plan on doing whatever I can to make my kids life easier, even if it entails a little "sponging". I also plan on teaching them to be responsible, appreciative, generous, compassionate, etc. Hopefully I do a good job of balancing it all

Jinxed One
August 20th, 2005, 1:56am
In sum, it is his family and he should give them whatever he wants them to have AS LONG AS he is not going broke or starving by doing so. :rolleyes:

wow lol you have this whole dr jekyll mr hyde thing going on. your posts come off as a little bitter and cold- then ive seen the lighter side of a few of your posts,wish you would show that side more often.

goodfairy7
August 20th, 2005, 1:59am
Ahh ... to have been born in the 80's ... the "me" generation ... no 9-to-5 jobs for them (too restrictive) ... besides, mom and dad will help out if they're in financial trouble ... "It's just money"

I was just born a couple of decades too early.
I too was born in the 80's (1981) and I grew up with nothing but love. I didnt have alot of toys, or the cool clothes or shoes, but I knew that my parents loved me, and worked hard for what we did get. I got my first job at 14, and I was employeed from then until my son was born, when I was 22. I was never without a job.
I really hope you dont think that because people were born in a certain decade means they were raised or act a certain way, thats just not true.

arouet
August 20th, 2005, 2:05am
I am not "hired" to do anything for this elderly man. I volunteer. He is my neighbor. I look out for him and help him because he needs it. He is alone and he is lonely. His kids don't come around- just call him up to ask for money. I ask nothing in return. I expect nothing in return. I don't tell him what to do. I just try to be supportive, help with the housework and try to cheer him up. This is called love and concern for your fellow man. If you cannot understand this, then I feel sorry for you.


Marianne o5, keep doing what you're doing and watching out for him. Maybe you can't stop his adult children from being parasites, but I can certainly understand your needing to vent somewhere that you felt comfortable. It's really hard to want to tell someone something for their own good and not be able to.

Dawggy
August 20th, 2005, 2:16am
Grown children who sponge off their parents is a pet peeve of mine. Those of you who read my "Compulsive Hoaders" will remember that I mentioned that the grown children of my 82 year old neighbor sponge off him. He has four grown children and as far as I can tell, only one is a fairly decent, responsible son. The one divorced daughter seems to go through a couple of jobs a year- when she's working. She once went through almost a year without a job and a mortgage to pay. Guess who supported her? Her boss is always an a$$hole who doesn't appreciate her and picks on her. My neighbor said he sends her $500.00 every month- plus he takes care of "emergencies" that come up. The other two sons (unmarried) regularly call up with sob stories like they don't have money to pay this month's rent, can't pay the monthly storage fees on junk they have in storage units, they're always sick and need money for the doctor, had things stolen and need them replaced, can't get paid for work they've done (they are both free lance handy men), got evicted and need money to move and rent a new place, (it's never their fault), cars are broken down and need repairs so they can get to work, etc, etc. There's no end to the sob stories they feed this old fellow to get money out of him. They keep him worried half to death. This just makes me so angry. I would be ASHAMED! I can't say anything much, but I think he should just let them sink or swim. They are all grown men and women.
What is your opinion on this? Do you know situations like this and what if anything has been done about it?
While I agree with you for the most part........ I am one of those adults who as you put it "sponge" off their parents... but here is why
My wife and I are both disabled and live on a VERY tight disability income (which thanks to our dumbass governer is going to get worse since their completely cutting out medicaid).
Now I dont sponge off my parents like oh i want this and mommy will pay for it..... my mom helps us out on a monthly basis by helping with small bills. the first thing we do when we get paid is pay all of our bills, that leaves us with 0 dollars for food so she helps out where she can, it makes me feel like crap knowing that my mommy has to help us out. But she knows I would do the same for her if I could.
I wish I could find a good reputable work at home job to make some extra money... I hate not being able to take my wife out to dinner or buy her nice things.... makes me feel like im not worthy.




But I do know ppl who REFUSE to get a job and go to work..... Our neighbor who is 71 years old has her 45 year old son living in her basement and he is the biggest mooch youll ever meet. So there are circumstances to some of us getting help from parents but again.... theres a lotta moochers out there.......

sparkleygem
August 20th, 2005, 2:19am
wow lol you have this whole dr jekyll mr hyde thing going on. your posts come off as a little bitter and cold- then ive seen the lighter side of a few of your posts,wish you would show that side more often.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

CathyVeester
August 20th, 2005, 2:19am
Marianne o5, keep doing what you're doing and watching out for him. Maybe you can't stop his adult children from being parasites, but I can certainly understand your needing to vent somewhere that you felt comfortable. It's really hard to want to tell someone something for their own good and not be able to.

I agree with you.

It's important to 'vent' about things like this.

sparkleygem
August 20th, 2005, 2:20am
She is a neighhbor. She HELPS the man by cleaning up a bit. She isn't his maid.

I guess this is what someone without empathy and compassion sounds like. :worry:

You are very wrong about good deeds, and it seems that you have some issues, judging from the fact that you can't just let go of the whole signature thing.
HA!! :laugh: Poor Lenita! She just can't catch a break. :worry:

jenninshelby
August 20th, 2005, 2:47am
Lacey is being her normal cheery bitchy self in this thread....... :laugh:

Kathleenob
August 20th, 2005, 2:53am
Lacey is being her normal cheery bitchy self in this thread....... :laugh:

Someone fell out of the bitter tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Edited to add: that comment was not meant for you, Jennishelby....

smokey4
August 20th, 2005, 3:26am
I'm 26 and I hate to have to ask for anything from my parents. The most I ever asked for was $50 which I paid back the next week. I don't even like to ask for a ride somewhere when I don't have the car or it's broke down. I'm just that independant.
I had a boyfriend once who all his brothers and sisters except 1 who was decent would mooch off their dad all the time. He always had at least 1 of his kids or grandkids living w/ him and off him. They were in their 30's. It was pathetic to watch, but he obviously didn't know how to say no! :frown3:

cpnqn
August 20th, 2005, 4:21am
lol...Great subject...
I see 2 sides of this...
My retired friend- I mention more on my coupon thread than anywhere else. She has a grown son- he has 2 kids (recently born baby) and an older one. Plus, he's married. I'm not real sure how much he makes- his truck isn't the best- but, he's a baseball recruiter & she did tell me once that he had the chance to make another $5000 if he stayed one more nite on one of his trips- in a story she was telling me- making that in a nite- I imagine he makes decent money- but, he drives and older truck (which lots of guys even rich ones do that here in the south)... Mind you SHE is retired. Lives alone. Owns her home. Gets a decent retirement though- which is nice to take care of her now, but, that's all she has. This is her ONLY child & grandchildren. She ALWAYS has a little pile of things on her counter for 'her babies' and her son... She is forever baby-sitting, taking food, buying large electronics- ranging from washers & dryers to computers (which she doesn't even USE!!! lol.) Meanwhile- she's had HER washer for 20 years & had to replace it.... He is a good kid- they have marital problems there- but, he's not a drinker or anything like that... Just mom's baby. She gets some sort of thrill from doing these things. It's her way of doing her job to her. His wife doesn't cook- so, she's adament about keeping things in the home 'her baby' (she always calls him by name saying 'my xxxx') can use... If I were his wife- I'd have surely left him by now as it would drive me crazy to have his mommy still taking care of him- but, that's probably most of their problem- I don't know... But, I know that's her world. She lives and dies by those calls & things. She loves to go baby sit & spend the afternoon playing with her babies. She loves to play dolls with her babies. It tickles her. She wishes that it wasn't that way- and worries about him if anything happens to her- but, I half think he lets her because she's alone & he thinks she has no life (meanwhile she is trying to squeeze out time to do a deal for coupons or something... lol.) I disagree- but, understand why she does it.

Now, on the OTHER side of that... my SIL... MAN!!! wow... She is only a few years younger than we are. Single, no kids. Lives with 2 room-mates & works. FIL was disabled & she was calling for $ for rent- while getting her nails done. Calling for packages- when she had money for cabs to go out in. I was sending her packages thinking 'she's in the city it's more expensive' (she was in the city- recently moved to Jersey city though)... THEN when I went up there- Target is like a few blocks from her!!! 2 grocery stores too- AND they double cpns up to .99- which means she could get it all herself & save us the shipping. Meanwhile we are supporting 2 kids??? Um, that ended- I put her box up for sale on the local sales site- I'm not paying to ship stuff b/c she's too lazy to find her own deals or read an email with ones I send her- NOPE!!! FIL & MIL can do it if they want. But, not me... That's just rude to me. It's very much sponging- don't care how thankful you are. I'm enabling you to party & do everything BUT work & find your own way... Not happening...

Then looking at how these kids are... wow... I was a dream child. I left pretty early. I NEVER asked for a dime & never got a dime. I was divorced at 21- then started 'taking on others kids' too... I always had older friends. For one reason or another- I wound up with some of their kids. I was 21 with my own at 2, then one was 13, and one 16. I drove them all to school, went to work, picked them up, fed them, packed them up on MY college nites- and did it every day. I never made the kids baby sit mine- We were either together or in school. NO partying for me. I payed my own way. No support either. It was TOUGH!!! lol. I was thankful for my church that agreed with my decisions & helped keep me calm when there were days I wanted to go off... Between the x & the kids growing so fast- I was always needing to buy clothes for someone, or pay someones bill... What is WRONG with the kids today? My time wasn't that long ago. I'm not that old. If I could take care of myself AND them all at once- shouldn't I believe these kids are quite capable themselves??? I do. I think they are. It's up to parents though- but, in the end it's how the kids were raised too. My parents probably would have helped if I'd have asked- but, I didn't- I have never been that way. If people wanna help- they WILL! I should add: to ME- these were some of the best years of my life. I look back at my christmas pics & my pics of all the kids that would spend the weekends... I enjoyed it. I loved that time. We baked cookies, we'd make the living room a movie theatre & all sleep in there. We'd pillow fight. We'd play in the leaves we all raked up. Even my baby joined in the work. They'd all line up to do dishes- one washing, baby spraying, one drying & putting away- while I started laundry. When the oldest got his first pair of Tommy pants- I still remember the light in his eyes & they weren't new- but, they were super nice. My son knows them as his brother & sister. It wasn't important where they came from- they were family, we were happy. They helped me weed out bad dates though- nothing turns those types off like: oh, btw I have 5 kids this weekend- you can come over (I did that too- didn't tell them they weren't mine)!!!! lol.

I always hated my x MIL for enabling her son to be dependent instead of being a man... I never understood HOW she could ALLOW it to happen. Truth is- now, she reminds me of my retired friend. She's old, lonely & has nothing else. It might be ruining him... but, it's all she knows. I can't hate her for not knowing any better. She would NEVER tolerate me telling her to cut him off- so, I won't say a word... but, it's definitely not helped him as a person... I do hope other parents who do this- might read this & think twice. My son needs a father- aside from his step-father... He needs an example. I'm glad he has this home- otherwise he'd really be in a mess... He's never seen his dad go to work!!! lol.

raymondisadore
August 20th, 2005, 4:39am
There is a new "reality" television show called "Kicked Out" which is supposed to address this issue. I believe it will soon air on ABC family.

mokeefe
August 20th, 2005, 6:33am
You seem to be a bit of a busy-body. It would appear to me to be their own business, why are you so "concerned?"

:sherlock:

Mark

Mooch on board? I have a 30 YO son that would take my last dime.I love him and I blame myself for his selfishness, because I coddled him for so long due to his past history (VERY abusive father and my own stupidity). But now he is ridiculous. Won't get or hold a steady job. mooches off people, has a son he does not support-I am very ashamed.
I don't know-and neither does the OP-there may be a bad family history that makes these kids feel that they are owed something. But life goes on and we all have to take care of ourselves. They are wrong to expect such an elderly man to take care of them.

fastfreddie1959
August 20th, 2005, 6:59am
And cut the apron strings. :toot: :toot: :toot:

arouet
August 20th, 2005, 3:13pm
While I agree with you for the most part........ I am one of those adults who as you put it "sponge" off their parents... but here is why
My wife and I are both disabled and live on a VERY tight disability income (which thanks to our dumbass governer is going to get worse since their completely cutting out medicaid).
Now I dont sponge off my parents like oh i want this and mommy will pay for it..... my mom helps us out on a monthly basis by helping with small bills. the first thing we do when we get paid is pay all of our bills, that leaves us with 0 dollars for food so she helps out where she can, it makes me feel like crap knowing that my mommy has to help us out. But she knows I would do the same for her if I could.
I wish I could find a good reputable work at home job to make some extra money... I hate not being able to take my wife out to dinner or buy her nice things.... makes me feel like im not worthy.



Dawggy, there is a difference between people who really need the help due to circumstances out of their control, such as you and your wife, and people who are completely able to provide for their own needs and refuse to. I think it's great that your family is able to help out. The same with kids that are trying to get their lives together by going to college. There is nothing wrong with asking for some help when you really need it some times.

jenninshelby
August 21st, 2005, 1:29am
Someone fell out of the bitter tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Edited to add: that comment was not meant for you, Jennishelby....


:yesyes: :yesyes:

jenninshelby
August 21st, 2005, 1:31am
Dawggy, there is a difference between people who really need the help due to circumstances out of their control, such as you and your wife, and people who are completely able to provide for their own needs and refuse to. I think it's great that your family is able to help out. The same with kids that are trying to get their lives together by going to college. There is nothing wrong with asking for some help when you really need it some times.


I agree 100%.. They are so not the same.. I know if not for my parents? I would have been in a shelter or something a few times.. :frown3:

Joyful_Sweeps
August 21st, 2005, 4:33am
my take on it: its the common thought that children are the seed that they are. but i think parents make the children. if there is a dysfunction it is probably the parents fault. a lot of times the parents will try to pin it on the children, but if they really wanted self-sufficient children there are ways of fostering that. usually they have 20 years to foster independence.

im sure that their wings were clipped. the parent probably loves having dependent adult children. and i bet they love the attention they get from outsiders who feel sorry for them that they have to endure what they created.

i bet your neighbor just loves your attention. he probably just loves feeling like the generous father who has to break his back with worry. honestly, ask yourself, does he really have to help them out? obviously not. he likes this scenario. otherwise hed tell them to sink or swim. i think he likes your attention.

to be honest, he doesnt sound as wholesome as he wants to appear. because first off, hes pretending to be a victim preying on your sensitive nature. second off, hes portrating his family in a bad light. i dont think he sounds like an admirable man at all. please, as if hes not in control. what man in his 80s does not have control over his finances? 80- year old men, frail as they are, are not stupid. they have a lot of wisdom and experience. head to toe they know whats going on.

im sorry when someone says, oh my child empties my wallet or whatever, i dont feel sorry for them. its their wallet. please, as if they cant control their wallet. i dont think so.

case in point, i know a few people like this who get money from their parents as adults. totally their parents are creating a situation where their children can do this. then they complain, make their kids feel like jerks, and badmouth them to outsiders so they can look like the savior. i think its a parental misfunction. you know, if it works for them, then it works for them. but you wont see mne crying a river for a parent with the woe-is-mes. personally, i think parents who complain about their kids are disloyal and i have to wonder about them.

jmho. hope u dont take offense.

Joyful_Sweeps
August 21st, 2005, 4:47am
I think for the most part, adults who want and need to sponge off their parents are just doing what they have always done, and what their parents have encouraged and enabled them to do after years of babying and spoiling.

u said it better than blabbermouth me.

Joyful_Sweeps
August 21st, 2005, 4:49am
While the situation is sad what these grown children are doing to their Dad...he has allowed it to happen. It is a hard thing to be a parent. Do you let your children 'sink or swim', do you give them that 'tough love', or do you reach out and do all you can for them? Have you lived near him long? Why I ask is maybe you don't know their family history, how was Mom with them? How were they raised? Too many unanswered family questions. BUT on the other hand these are grown adults with minds of their own now and should be responsible for their own, sure emergencies come up but not EVERY month, week, day, etc...

is that you nickyle? you are such a pretty one. what lovely kids too. :gvibes:

Joyful_Sweeps
August 21st, 2005, 5:01am
My situation is the reverse... I give and give and give till it actually hurts to my mama, I'm mid 40's now and it's still never enough!! Every time we talk, she guilt's me into something else!! :frown3: I don't really mind helping now and then, but I'm the youngest of 5, yet I'm the one she always comes to. I guess I should be happy that she can count on me when she is in need.... but after 30 years, it's getting to be a bit of a drain. :worry:

Because of this, I have never asked family to help me out! I pray that I never need to! :gvibes:


i had two relatives like this. im not rich, but i have a soft spot for people i care about. eventually i just said a flat out no. it made me feel bad, like how you felt. in fact, for awhile, they got so mad they ignored me for almost a year. it made me feel bad. but i feel a lot better now that i set a boundary. they understand my boundary now and respect it.

Joyful_Sweeps
August 21st, 2005, 5:10am
i wish my parents wouldve raised me that way, they hand me money like it

youre only 21. to me, youre young. you have so much time.

hudson9610
August 21st, 2005, 5:20am
Yes I agree its sick
My brothers were like that and my mom paid and sent money all the time when she died they seem to actually be able to hold jobs now
Makes me sick to think of all she did with out for those a$$ holes to have a buck. I dojnt have anything to do with any of them

hanclj1
August 21st, 2005, 5:43am
My brother, which is 55 years old moved into my parents to take care of my dad. The second my mother let him move in, he took my dads car, his cell phone, and of course quit helping as much with my dad. My dad passed away in January, my brother is still living there and not paying a cent. In two years he hasn't even bought as much as his own toilet paper. My mom asked him to water the back yard for her and he won't. I keep on trying to get my mom to kick him out, but she does not want to cause any problems. To solve the problem hopefully, or more likely cause a war, I am moving in. I divorced last year and I really want to go back to school to get my RN, but can't afford to pay for school and rent. So, I told my mom I would pay 1/2 her bills. The catch is if he is living there, he will have to pay her to, I'm really hoping he will just move out, she doesn't need a leach.

braveheart
August 21st, 2005, 6:06am
I think you should mind your own business, and worry more about your own stuff. Really why should it bother you! Each family can do what is best for their circumstances. :worry: :worry: You do not know what goes on, and why. I was in dire shape and needed help, and fortunately my mother was able to help. I did work hard and did have people at work that were completely evil, and other situations out of my control. If it were not for that I would have been homeless, and may not be alive today. So please do not condemn what you do not know, and thank your lucky stars that you are more fortunate than others... :halo: Remember that someday you or your family may not be in such great shape, and you wouldn't like others to condemn you....

meeeee
August 22nd, 2005, 12:06am
just a thought but

aren't the kids suppose to take care of their parents when they get older and help them out for all they did for them in their lives.

my elderly grandfather lives with my mom and dad, grandma is in a nursing home they can't care for her at home. I do all I can to help my parents take care of them. When the time comes I will take care of my parents.

Kids that sponge off their parents need to grow up and move on. Pay their parents back what they owe them and be adults.

Inkyskeeper
August 22nd, 2005, 12:53am
Grown children who sponge off their parents is a pet peeve of mine. Those of you who read my "Compulsive Hoaders" will remember that I mentioned that the grown children of my 82 year old neighbor sponge off him. He has four grown children and as far as I can tell, only one is a fairly decent, responsible son. The one divorced daughter seems to go through a couple of jobs a year- when she's working. She once went through almost a year without a job and a mortgage to pay. Guess who supported her? Her boss is always an a$$hole who doesn't appreciate her and picks on her. My neighbor said he sends her $500.00 every month- plus he takes care of "emergencies" that come up. The other two sons (unmarried) regularly call up with sob stories like they don't have money to pay this month's rent, can't pay the monthly storage fees on junk they have in storage units, they're always sick and need money for the doctor, had things stolen and need them replaced, can't get paid for work they've done (they are both free lance handy men), got evicted and need money to move and rent a new place, (it's never their fault), cars are broken down and need repairs so they can get to work, etc, etc. There's no end to the sob stories they feed this old fellow to get money out of him. They keep him worried half to death. This just makes me so angry. I would be ASHAMED! I can't say anything much, but I think he should just let them sink or swim. They are all grown men and women.
What is your opinion on this? Do you know situations like this and what if anything has been done about it?

i worked privatly for an older man who moved from FL. to TN. for that exact same reason. He has money and paid cash for the house he moved into and then he hired me to come clean it once a week, and after he got to know me he satred telling me things and because this bothered him alot he told me the whole story.

He moved to get away from his family and it worked and his never been happiers since. I wish i was still working for him, he was the sweetest old men ive ever met....family taking his money is a nasty thing to do....in no way would i let my kids run me over in that way or any way....id move away too.