how do you stop your child from breaking everything?

[Micheleisme]

ok so i have a almost 4 year old boy and i cant get him to stop taking everything apart as in his toys. he destoys everything that we get him. he takes things apart or stands on them or throws them around. i am at my wits end :mad2: . i am so sick of seeing brand new toys destroyed :worry: . someone please help me. im about to throw away every single toy he has and say no more toys for you. :worry:

[Heather]

I dont know, because I haven't had any kids yet. I would say buy him something he can NOT break... like playdough... or at least something very difficult to break.... like LEGGO's. IMO, Leggo's are the best toy under the sun.... so educational and they dont even realize it! :gvibes:

[salymsmommy]

I dont have kids either, but I would not buy him anymore new toys until he understands that he needs to take care of them. Start teaching him 'respect' now, before it's too late!

My step-son's mother would replace immidiately anything that he broke because she never wanted him to be without. Including his playstation, xbox, stereo and TV - numerous times. He likes to see how things work and then can't get things back together again. He has no idea that these things cost money and how hard his momma had to work to get it for him in the first place. And he is 17 years old now. This has been going on since he was a baby.

If you just can't take it all away, and he is the type that just likes to see the insides of something get him toys that are rugged and specifically meant to be taken apart. Go to Flea Markets and garage sales and get him used toys that are still in half way decent condition. At 4 I doubt he will care if someone else played with it first, and it will save you a bundle. As he gets older you can find things like broken tv's and radios really cheap that he can take apart just for the hell of it and it won't matter. We did this for my stepson when he lived with us for a while. He thought it was great, and for some simple things like alarm clocks, actually got them working again. But of course when he tore apart the expensive already working things, he was out of luck with us on replacements....momma always came through though.....sigh....... :worry:

[skpaw]

This would be a pain for you, but if might work if you stick with it. Put away all toys in a room where he can't get them. Then allow him one toy to use while you watch him. If he breaks it, no more that day or next day. If he is good he can put it away and choose one other toy. It must be put away before he gets to choose a different one.

I had to take a bunch of toys an put them away because the room was trashed. The toys were fine, just everywhere. Expect your son to scream if you make this change. Don't even acknowledge him until he asks for something in a nice way. Tell him I can only hear you when you ask nice. If you can hold out through the initial fits, you can train him to take care of his things. It will be a lot of work for you but your son will be nicer after it is all done.

After you have success for a while, reward him by letting him have a little higher number of toys out, but still only use one at a time.

[cowleyh]

hmmmm, i think taking it away works nicely. i would give him three chances to play with a toy without trying to destroy it. explain beforehand that if he tries to break it or even throws it, it will be given away to another child who will appreciate it. if you can, find a church or daycare center nearby that would take slightly 'loved' toys. take him with you when you give it away. he'll probably get the idea quickly.
i like the playdough and leggo idea.

[midwestnurse]

Michele, I agree that I would put all his toys where he could not get them without your permission. We had what we referred to as the "toystore" when my children were small. (Shelves in the laundry room) The kids actually looked forward to picking out a toy and "buying" it. When they were finished playing with it, it was brought back to the "store" in good shape, and they could "buy" another.

Could it be that your son is "acting out," wanting attention from you, although it is negative attention when he breaks his toys? Is he calmer when you read to him or play with him?

[Judithlh]

skpaw, That's probably the best idea. Only thing is having the courage to deal with the initial storm. Also, it takes a certain amount of self-discipline to carry out this plan, but it might save you a lifetime of heart break over a super demanding child.
Also, it worked for my kids, when they did something that they knew was careless and something got broke, I just could say, I'm sorry your toy is broken. And pay it no further attention, just leave it where it lays. But you have to stay calm in the middle of chaos, sometimes.
Another thought, are the toys appropriate for his age and development?
Also, I've always thought that too many possessions just make for difficulty for the child when it's time to clean up, and I've never been too obsessive about neatness, but expect the children to pick up their own mess.
Time may have softened many of my attitudes as my kids are grown and now have their own children.

[Jill930]

If I see my son being destructive with a toy, I take it away from him. But I put it up where he can still see it. He usually loses it for the rest of the day and I give it back to him the next day. It seems to help most of the time.

[phoebe]

speaking from (much) experience.... :smile9:
4 years old is smart enough to know that he is upsetting you and old enough to understand consequences.
Here are my thoughts...

1.) Take all of his toys and put them away with the exception of about 5-10 toys. Have a "talk" with him about why you have taken them and put them away and how you really want him to have fun toys but he is going to have to learn how to take care of them like a big-boy. Get yourself a black trash bag (a BIG one!) and show it to him. Explain that you don't want to have to take anymore toys away but that the next time he breaks one or doesn't take care of it, you are going to take it and put it in your trash bag and it will be gone. Then...monitor him closely because most likely he is going to test the waters soon... The first time he does, quietly take that toy and put it in your trash bag. I personally would keep it out of sight. Do this for every toy he "tests" you with ... when he gets down to a couple or even no toys and you don't give in, he will learn a valuable lesson...

Last year, I did something similar when after weeks of begging, pleading, telling...my girls (then 4 & 5) to get their room picked up I was pulling my hair out. I took EVERYTHING (except books, coloring books/crayons and their chalkboard/chalk)...I told them if they didn't want to help me clean up (and it was AWFUL), I would do it myself...and I did...I grabbed a box of glad-bags and went to work...they didn't see any of it for about 2 months... I felt so mean at first but it turned out to be exactly what they needed...and they ended up better off ...had more time to be creative and less toy clutter to choose from. I did give them back eventually! and they do much better now.

Whatever you say you are going to do...make sure you do it!

2.) Get him a jungle-gym or a "work-bench" for OUTSIDE and let him run until he's exhausted!


Sorry for the length.... :frown3: just have so much to say! :laugh:

[Micheleisme]

thankyou all for your advise. i had gotten so mad yesterday that i went into his room with garbage bags and went through his toy boxes toy by toy. i threw out everything that was broken and not fixable and all the other toys that were broken but could be put back together i put into a seperate bag and ptu upstairs where he cant get to it. so now there is about half of the toys but it unfortanately is still alot but its ok because i think the only stuff left is stuff that he cant break. we have a new rule and its that he can only play with one thing at a time and when he is done he has to put it back and then he can get something else. it has worked so far but it has only been one day. i have decided that i will give him one toy at a time back when he shows me that he is taking care of his toys and putting them away when he is done. and o man, his borthday is in 4 weeks. ahhhhh this kid has 4 sets of grandparents so you can see why he has sssooooo much stuff. my son has 2 toys huge toy boxes which used to overflow plus all kinds of big things that have to stay on the floor like an easel, basketball hoop ect..... so anyway i took alitlle out of everones advise and used it. thankyou all. lets pray that this works. :)

[Maineiac]

I have a suggestion about the overload of toys from the grandparents, etc. You may gently suggest to them that your son is inundated with toys and it may be more worthwhile for them to just buy him a new box of crayons, a Matchbox car, etc. (some little thing for him to open), but for his real gift start getting him Savings Bonds that can be put away for him. I had to do that with my older boy and he had enough saved up to buy his first used car when he became old enough. Family members also grew to like the idea because it made his gift buying so much easier than trying to find something he didn't already have or need.

Kids can become over stimulated leading to frustration (hence, the destruction) with too many options. I suspect that's what may be happening, so it's a good idea to resrict his play to one or two things at a time. This is an example where less is more...

Good luck, and let us know how you make out.

[Scibba]

My son will be 6 soon, and the breaking of the toys started at 3 years old. It did not take many 'toys in the garbage' to realize that you don't break them, and what happens to toys that are broken!

I would throw it away in front of him so that he knew it was gone . . . He has so much respect for his toys now that he has even banned his 6 year old cousin from playing on his playstation because (his words) 'she does not know how to close the door properly, and she's going to break it and it will just be another garbage toy' . . . it really does work!

[Salamander36]

Is he taking them apart because he is curious about how they work? Then I would suggest getting him some kind of building toy, like blocks or lincoln logs.

Is he tearing them apart because he loves to demolish them? I would find that disturbing behavior in a 4-year old and would suggest you get some professional help for him before its too late.

[TabooU]

ok so i have a almost 4 year old boy and i cant get him to stop taking everything apart as in his toys. he destoys everything that we get him. he takes things apart or stands on them or throws them around. i am at my wits end :mad2: . i am so sick of seeing brand new toys destroyed :worry: . someone please help me. im about to throw away every single toy he has and say no more toys for you. :worry:
If you were one of my Mom's kids she'd say"Remember when I said I hope you have a child just like you when you grow up." LOL scared me so bad I didn't have children, I adopted puppies and kittens.

[amazing23f]

well you should come up with a punishment.
if he brakes something, he doesn't get a toy. He is old enough to understand that you don't like when he brakes toys, well if he does something knowing it's wrong to do, then you should do something with him, that he won't like eather,
There are time out's, no more toys, he will probably cry and be mad, but he'll realize that if he wants something, he will have to earn it, not just get it and brake it.